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December 31st, 2012

09:24 pm - WELCOME TO DAS SPORKING [sticky post]

Welcome one and all to das_sporking! I am your host, das_mervin, and I hope you enjoy your stay at my fabulous little community of sporkers. Here, we have over thirty different sporkers that spork in over forty different fandoms including original fiction, so you have plenty of flavors to choose from. The sporks range from the short and succinct to highly-detailed and long-winded, but above all else, they are all devoted to snarky analysis of the stories they pick apart.

Aren’t sure where to start? Well, come on in—this post has the rules and every single link that might interest you and help you find your way around.

Community RulesCollapse )

Das Sporking Points of InterestCollapse )

The Chatterbox

You talked, I listened—some of the comm members here expressed an interest in a place where they could just talk—well, here it is! Welcome to the Chatterbox! It’s kept here at das_sporking so you don’t have to go join another comm or something. With these posts, you don’t have to keep your discussion limited to a chapter or part of a story in a sporking—here, you can just talk with the other comm members and get to know them. It doesn’t always have to be about badfic and bad writing! Right now, the list of topics is short, but if the Chatterbox proves popular, perhaps the list shall soon expand.

The Twilight Series
Leah Clearwater
The Fifty Shades Trilogy
The Fifty Shades of Grey Movies
Das Sporking

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November 20th, 2015

01:49 pm - Dracula in Love Chapter 3
Read more...Collapse )

(Leave a comment)

November 28th, 2015

01:26 am - Harry Potter And The Girl Who Lived: Chapter 11
ZeldaQueen: Time for an attempt at drama!

Cue The Soundtrack Of The Titanic Or Some SuchCollapse )

(Leave a comment)

November 21st, 2015

06:06 pm - The Great Gatsby Chapter 2
The Story...as it is...begins.Collapse )
Current Mood: calmcalm

(Leave a comment)

November 19th, 2015

03:31 pm - Iron Maidens: Chapter Three and Finale
Chapter 3: Dismissed

Okay, wow… it’s been awhile, hasn’t it? I don’t know what to say except that life got in the way, and I almost forgot all about my sporkings. I really am sorry for that, but I’m back now… with a vengeance!

So three monsters walk into a Sporking Chamber...Collapse )

I’m the Mad Miss Hats, and I’ll see you next time with the Impossible Wager… and you get to see a semi-sex repulsed asexual deal with having to go in depth into a bad sex scene! *Teleports out, leaving the three confused monsters behind.*

Amber: …I do believe she forgot about us. Well then, I’m Amber Rose, these are my boyfriends Francis DeNear and Dogwood Remes, and you probably will see us here next time as well, because we’re apparently trapped here. Joy…

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November 24th, 2015

12:22 am - Fifty Shades Freed--Epilogue (Part I) [SPORKERS: GEHAYI and KET MAKURA]
Stick Our Heads Into the Sand, Just Pretend That All is GrandCollapse )

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November 23rd, 2015

11:31 pm - The Beast Within: Chapter 23 & 24 - The Witches' Plot & Belle's Betrayal
ZeldaQueen: You guys ready for even more canon defilement?
It"s Nearing The Climax And We"re Only Following The POV Of Those Frigging Witches!!!Collapse )

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November 22nd, 2015

11:33 pm - Gabriel's Inferno: Chapter 12
Chapter 12Collapse )

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04:39 pm - Life and Death: Chapter 1 - First Sight (Part I)
Chapter 1 – First Sight (Part I)Collapse )

(115 comments | Leave a comment)

04:38 pm - Life and Death - Dedication, Epigraph, and Preface
Dedications and EpigraphCollapse )

PrefaceCollapse )

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November 16th, 2015

07:15 pm - The Great Gatsby Chapter I
Let"s Get The Show On The Road!Collapse )
Current Mood: boredbored

(50 comments | Leave a comment)

November 15th, 2015

07:24 pm - A Boy and His Fox - Chapter 11
A note from the Author: Hey guys, thanks for all your support thus far. I'm really glad you guys are enjoying the story thus far. Thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed my work, it really means a lot to me and it's very helpful in improving as a writer.

I doubt Kiba gets much more than mindless praise, which is the worst kind of review to get. I never got many reviews on my fanfictions, which I can only presume means they weren't very good, but since the few I got was mostly just praise I never figured out what was wrong with them until much later.

I prefer constructive criticism.

To sum up the last chapter Kal and Ahri managed to escape from Gangplank when Kal killed a guard and nearly killed another had Ahri not stopped him. Just when freedom was in sight Miss Fortune managed to capture them, with the help of Jinx whom was simply pretending to be catatonic. Miss Fortune in an attempt to torture Ahri began to force herself upon Kal whilst Jinx handled Ahri.

And Kal got raped, just pointing that out.

Okay, so Miss Fortune was trying to upset Ahri? Uhh... why. Why does she care about Ahri? She seemed legitimately interested in Kal for some reason, but she doesn't even KNOW Ahri, so why does she care about fucking with her?

However just before the deed was done Ahri broke down the door having defeated Jinx and while arguing with Miss Fortune, Kal's mind became surrounded with darkness.

That's a poetic way to describe him angsting himself into passing out.

Without further ado, I present Chapter 11.


Click to enter Sporker"s Rift!Collapse )

First champion of the dayCollapse )

Second champion of the dayCollapse )

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06:55 pm - Dracula in Love Chapter 2
Read more...Collapse )

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November 19th, 2015

11:36 pm - Harry Potter And The Girl Who Lived: Chapter 10 (Part 2)
ZeldaQueen: Part two of this atrocious chapter!

Hey, Who Wants More Of Rose Being An Entitled Twit?Collapse )

(9 comments | Leave a comment)

November 15th, 2015

10:23 am - The Great Gatsby Table of Contents

The Great Gatsby

By: F. Scott Fitzgerald

Alternate Title: Lifestyles of the Rich and Vapid

Sporker: Ranguvar42

Jay Gatsby is a shallow, vapid idiot who falls for a married woman; Daisy Buchanan, another shallow, vapid idiot. Their so called 'love story' is narrated by Nick Carraway, a smug, supercilious idiot and Daisy's cousin. Thrown into the mix are more rich idiots with zero personalities and smug, self centered attitudes.

And yet this is considered one of the greatest books ever written. I've never understood why. So I am going to court controversy(or at least generate discussion) and spork this thing.

Because someone has to.

Table of ContentsCollapse )

Current Mood: anxiousanxious

(114 comments | Leave a comment)

November 16th, 2015

06:29 pm - Wizard's First Rule - Chapter 10 (Part 2)
Torches and pitchforks, people, we’ve got torches and pitchforksCollapse )

(17 comments | Leave a comment)

November 17th, 2015

11:02 pm - The Beast Within: Chapter 21 & 22 - Beauty and the Beast & The Enchanted Mirror
ZeldaQueen: Hello, folks! Apologies for my schedule being so wacky here. I'm about caught up with NaNo, which is the reason I missed a couple of updates.

What Next, Were The Witches Also Shooting From A Grassy Knoll?Collapse )

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November 12th, 2015

07:59 pm - Hannibal - Chapter III: Spain (Part 2)
So, this has been a while, hasn't it? Sorry about that, I had this nearly done when my device appeared to die, taking the spork with it. Then a couple of weeks it came back to life and I was able to recover everything. Anyway, on with the sporking.

In the first part of this chapter, Hannibal went to Spain, made a friend, and acquired a Cool Horse. This half, Hannibal kills someone and a young girl dies from kinky sex. Yay for tonal consistency!

Read more...Collapse )
Current Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable
Current Music: Reach for the stars

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November 17th, 2015

12:05 am - Fifty Shades Freed--Chapter Twenty-Five (Part II) [SPORKERS: GEHAYI and KET MAKURA]
Our House, in the Middle of Our StreetCollapse )

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November 11th, 2015

08:47 pm - Angels of Power: Chapter 1, Part 2
Last time on "Angels of Power":

Fudge:  "You are wonderful, Harry.  Please forgive my sins."

Harry:  "On your knees, wretch, and I'll think about it."

Dumbledore:  "What can I do for you, Harry?"

Harry:  "I want to live with Sirius at his house.  No more Dursleys."

Dumbledore:  "Will you help me redeem your rival from his wicked ways?"

Harry:  "Yes, but first, I need you to do a few things for me..." *lightning flash, thunder crash, evil laughter echoes*

*theme music rolls*

In the year 1996, Harry Potter launched the last of Wizarding Britain's rescue missions. Aboard a compact phone box, a lone hero, Captain Harry "Arch Angel" Potter, was to experience cosmic forces beyond all comprehension. In a freak mishap, his life story was hijacked by idiocy beyond imagination. The plot was blown out of its planned trajectory into a story one thousand times more moronic, a story which was to return Arch Angel Potter to Earth, innumerable tears later...

*roll opening credits*

And now, part two!Collapse )

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November 9th, 2015

10:12 pm - A Boy and His Fox - Chapter 10
We open this chapter with another disclaimer!

Disclaimer: There is erotic content located within this chapter. If you are squeamish, under the age of 18+, or are just genuinely disinterested in such things, skip this chapter. There will be a summary of it in the next chapter's release explaining the events that occurred in this one.

So fun times are ahead!

Not so fun is that this chapter is where we get some extreme character assassination for Sarah Fortune. It's also where this fanfiction officially leaps off the deep end and into some of the "fun" things I mentioned in the table of contents. For example,

Kal gets raped in this chapter.

It's just that Kiba doesn't recognize it as rape, presumably because he's one of those ignorant people who don't understand that women are capable of raping men. So yeah, fun times. Let's get to it.

Click to enter Sporker"s Rift!Collapse )

Champion of the dayCollapse )

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01:34 pm - Dracula in Love Prologue and Chapter 1
And the bullshit begins anewCollapse )

(53 comments | Leave a comment)

November 8th, 2015

10:44 pm - Karala: Chapter Three
In which two of our assassins take breaks from bashing Dumbledore in order to warp his staff OOC.Collapse )
Current Location: Hogwarts
Current Music: Gilderoy Lockhart's Theme

(40 comments | Leave a comment)

November 7th, 2015

05:36 pm - Angels of Power: Chapter One, Part One
*theme song rolls*

In 1996, a crackfic wizarding unit was sent to the Ministry of Magic for a rescue mission that wasn't needed.  These wizards promptly escaped from an obvious trap.  Today, still wanted by Voldemort, they survive as Angels of Power.  If you have a problem, if nothing else can help, and if you can stand them, maybe you can read...The Angels of Power.

*roll opening credits*

Chapter 1: The ProphecyCollapse )

(39 comments | Leave a comment)

November 10th, 2015

10:17 pm - The Beast Within: Chapter 20 - The Beauty In The Library
ZeldaQueen: When we last left off, I had several major fits over massive canon screwing and Belle decided to be compassionate to a being who just ripped a bunch of wolves to shreds in front of her.

Get This Twilight Bullhonkey Out Of My Beauty And The Beast!Collapse )

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