February 10th, 2015
|das_mervin||04:26 pm - THE CHATTERBOX: The Fifty Shades of Grey Movies|
Want to discuss the film version of probably one of the worst books this comm has ever seen? Bring it over here! Anything goes—know that there will be spoilers galore.
OK, can we start with that trailer? I know Ana has no character other than "Oh my, down there is tingly", but good gravy, that actress. She could wear a blank mask and be just as expressive. Let's not let Mr. Grey off easy, either. He is the moldy potato to her stale toast. SO i guess they really are meant to be. And is it just me, or does it seem more edited like a horror movie trailer than an "epic romance"? I mean, that's appropriate, but still.
Waste of a perfectly hot Beyonce song, too. Seriously, that song is bangin'. Why was it wasted on this bullshit?
Edited at 2015-02-10 10:45 pm (UTC)
If I hadn't read the books, I'd have sworn up and down that the commercials were for a horror movie. Even the song sounds like a horror movie cover. It's more terrifying than the Maleficent version of "Once Upon a Dream", which is kind of freaky as Hell.
I will never listen to that song again, however. I get 'Nam-style flashbacks, and it's just a thousand different types of NG.
Having said that, I've seen more expressive acting in my oatmeal.
And I am left here thinking "WHY IN HELL WAS THIS DAMN THING EVER MADE?!" Seriously. If any film deserved to be locked in Production Hell 'til the end of time, it's this thing.
I actually have hopes that the film will be better than the books. Not that it'll be good, but at least we won't have to put up with Ana's narration making everything even more rapey than it already was.
... it's sad that 'slightly less rapey' is an improvement here.
I've read at least one review that said that it did. And I figure between no inner goddess/subconscious, a decreased internal dialogue which should cut down on some of the paedophilic elements, and getting rid of Ana's infuriatingly unintelligent POV, it could well be bad but less bad. Like, I can see it.
The song Ellie Goulding wrote for the soundtrack ("Love Me Like You Do") is easily one of her best, IMHO. Too bad it will forever carry the stain of this dreck.
This so much. I love that song and I do think it sound sweet and romantic.
But with the Fifty Shades scenario put into context, it ruins it slightly, cause it does fit the story too. ;3;
Not gonna stop me listening to it, cause hell, I can think of loads of other pair-ups to fit it, but it will always bug me how such a pretty song is now forever associated with such bullshit.
Edited at 2015-02-11 12:59 am (UTC)
Anybody else notice how uncomfortable the leads seem around each other? Like, they genuinely seem to dislike each other and hate the source material more than RPatz. (See: this article
for a roundup)
Since sequels are apparently a sure thing, I'm expecting a nice long trainwreck. By the end of these movies, even the author won't like the books anymore.
By the end of these movies, even the author won't like the books anymore.
One can hope. Maybe James will continue following Meyer's lead and never follow through with that '50 Shades from Christian's POV/Midnight Sun rip off' book. Did she ever come out with that book? I hope not.
I suspect the film will do...okay opening weekend but after a week or two, it'll get lower until it leaves the theater.
Really though, I think the film will be better than the book. Considering what a POS the books are, an adaption couldn't be any worse.
So... basically like the Twilight movies? Hmm... fitting. Maybe that Kate girl will be the one we're rooting for.
|Date:||February 10th, 2015 11:53 pm (UTC)|| |
I'd only be interested in seeing this movie if M. Night Shyamalan was the director, if only to see how he could try to wreck this franchise.
I've seen fans get pretty butthurt over the casting. First it was Charlie Hunnam(I'm glad he backed out, he should stick to Pacific Rim), then they got so butthurt over Dakota Johnson, if there was a drinking game where you had to take a shot for every time somebody whined about how "Dakota Johnson is miscast!!!11" you'd be dead within 24 hours (if you're really suicidal, try taking another shot when they whine about how "Alexis Bledel should've been casted instead!!!111). Personally, I think she looks the part.
As for Jamie Dornan, I'm neutral about him. I don't think he's anything special. Sure, I've seen the fans whine about their preferred choice, with the top three being Matt Boomer, Ian Somerhalder, or Henry Cavill (personally, I'm glad Henry Cavill wasn't casted, to go from Superman to Hellspawn is a serious downgrade), but I really got nothing to say, except I think Jamie Dornan is kind of ugly-looking (but hey, beauty is subjective, I also think Robert Pattinson is ugly).
Of course, my dream choice for Hellspawn would be Christian Bale, but only if he played the exact way he played Patrick Bateman, then maybe everyone will see how fucked up the man really is.
As for Kate and Alice, I think they made a mistake with Eloise Mumford and Rita Ora. The former isn't hot enough to be Kate, and I have some serious doubts about the latter's acting skills.
Edited at 2015-02-10 11:56 pm (UTC)
|Date:||February 11th, 2015 12:13 am (UTC)|| |
Re: Casting Decisions
Yeah... Maybe they should've just gotten the Twilight cast back together, it be meta and it would stop innocent people from having their careers destroyed.
Besides I miss Mustache Dad. :(
|Date:||February 11th, 2015 12:20 am (UTC)|| |
Fifty Things To Do Instead of Seeing Fifty Shades
1. Donate the money to a domestic abuse prevention center.
2. Try to eat fifty sundaes.
3. Learn to knit.
4. Dance the Macerana.
5. While wearing a toga.
6. In public.
7. Go online and find better written/acted porn for free.
8. Have a weenie roast.
9. MST3K MARATHON!
10. [Insert your favorite show here]MARATHON!
11. Identify various types of trees.
12. Learn how not to be seen.
13. Go to the bookstore and put a frowny face sticker on all the Fifty Shades merchandise.
14. Go out drinking.
15. Stay in drinking.
16. Watch My Bloody Valentine.
17. Bake cookies.
18. Bake gingerbread.
19. Bake gingerbread cookies.
20. Shovel through snow, if you're up North.
21. Make a Christian-shaped snowman and melt it with a hair-dryer.
22. Laugh maniacally while doing so.
23. Find a bug and name it Ana.
24. Step on it.
25. Read War and Peace.
26. Read The Cat in the Hat.
27. Come up with new flavors of ice cream.
28. Write a love story.
29. Write a scary story.
30. Write to your Congressperson.
31. See how long you can walk backwards.
32. Walk sideways.
33. Walk like an Egyptian.
34. Try to summon Cthulhu.
35. Try to summon Baal.
36. Try to understand, he's a magic man.
37. Make silly lists.
38. Make a Christian effigy from Playdoh.
39. Put it in the microwave.
40. Laugh maniacally.
41. Learn glassblowing.
42. The Answer.
43. Learn to juggle.
45. Relearn how to jump rope.
46. Eat a bag of your favorite candy.
47. Recreate the "sex scenes" using potatoes.
48. Recreate the wedding scene using lint from your dryer.
49. Weep for women that actually like this series.
50. Eagerly await the savaging by critics.
Re: Fifty Things To Do Instead of Seeing Fifty Shades
Best. List. Ever.
Lovely. Although it's not the movie's fault that the story has less plot than a perfume commercial.
I feel really bad for the actors. It sounds like Johnson made Ana seem interesting, and even though Dornan's character, Graham/the Huntsman, has had one or two appearances outside of the first six episodes, but his character has a huge fan following.
I saw the trailers on the news after the Superbowl. Repeatedly.
I heard that there are some campaigns that are trying to ban it because it's degrading to women and abusive.
Anyway, when I saw the trailer of 'Christian' showing Ana his 'playroom' and he said, 'This is my playroom' I laughed. Literally.
I can't believe its books like this that gets made. There's plenty of books out there that should be made into movies.
There's this book series called Gallgher Girls that could be made. It's about a boarding school that teaches girls to be spies. At first it's sort of a wacky romantic comedy, but gets darker as it goes on.
I heard that there are some campaigns that are trying to ban it because it's degrading to women and abusive.
I'm on the fence about those in general. On the one hand, I don't like banning of movies or things like that; reminds me too much of the nonsense behind the Video Nasties and the like. On the other, it's Fifty Shades. If anything, ban it for the sake of the actors.
And on that third hand I don't have, I'm also put out by some of the groups petitioning for this, because while yeah, they are saying it's degrading to women and abusive, they are doing it for the wrong reason. The reason I have seen more than a few give is essentially, "This sex is wrong because it's not Good Missionary Sex!" So, yeah--it's continuing its mission of giving real BDSM and kink a very bad image and helping to promote the incorrect view that all BDSM is abuse.
I'm torn. On the one hand, I'd like to see it do better than Twilight so that it will invoke Meyer's rage and have her make a big issue about it that will hopefully end with ruining James career as well.
But on the other hand, I want this movie to bomb into obscurity so that the other two movies will never be made.
I may lead towards the latter, as the leading actors in it do feel very uncomfortable with the shooting of it, and it'd spare them having to go through another two movies.
I'm spending my Valentine's Day squeegling over my favorite ships, writing gloriously hot porn, and trying to get NC goodies over at Neopets. I'm not tainting the sanctity of this holiday by uttering the name of E.L. James or Fifty Shades of Grey, or giving the movie an ounce of attention until the day is over.
Edited at 2015-02-11 09:28 am (UTC)
If I have any lucky, I won't be either. It'll be my sister's birthday and she's been wanting to go see it, but my parents were super uncomfortable with that since it
supposedly has lots of sex.
I'm delighted that this movie is coming out, because one word:
HELL YEAH! Now THAT... is going to be the only thing good that could come out of this.
I was in middle school when Beyonce started her solo career and the remix of Crazy In Love sounds way scarier than I remember it being on the radio. The trailers, as other people here have said, make it look like a horror movie.
I don't care what people say. That movie is a horror movie not-so-cleverly disguised as a romance.
|Date:||February 12th, 2015 01:44 am (UTC)|| |
I admit I didn't watch the trailer. I did, however, watch Key of Awesome's parody on Youtube. It is called Fifty Shades of Broke (as in Christian going broke) and I found it hysterical.
My 5-year-old saw the trailer because it kept playing before kids' videos on YouTube and couldn't be skipped!!
|Date:||February 12th, 2015 03:02 am (UTC)|| |
What I think/ hope they might do...
I know it's impossible to see something in Fifty Shades and I'm not expecting nor seeing the movie but I'm going to think what the film makers might do or hope they do with the source material.
1. Make Hellspawn slightly less creepy.
2. Have him not break into the flipping (mother says not to cuss) house and rape her.
3. Cut the scenes where he's talking to her just when they're about to move and he tries to get her drunk.
4. REMOVE THE HOMOPHOBIA! For Uncle Mike and Dale!
5. Have Stand-in Stacy appear or Dora the Subconscious.
6. Jose Carioca is not a mexican stereotype. (Or at least is never seen again after the bar and near rape scene).
7. Make the dad like Mustache Dad!
8. Have Elliot and Kate be somewhat okay or likable.
9. Have Hellspawn and Twitty Ana talk without too much manipulation (there's going to be manipulation let's just hope for not too scary).
10. Have someone tell off Hellspawn like Kate or no-Mustache Dad.
11. HAVE SOMETHING HAPPEN!
So my date and I had to swap our Valentine's Day due to me now working on Saturday. The good news? We went today instead. The bad news? We went and saw Fifty Shades of Grey today instead.
On opening day.
With all the craziest fans.
- I actually liked Ana. I could very easily see why somone would fall in love with her in this. She's not a masterpiece of characterisation or anything, but she's not the movie version of Bella either.
- They got rid of or changed most of the things that made me hulk out in the book. Hallelujah, it's a miracle!
- The director is actually smart enough to show the difference between real BDSM with mutual pleasure between partners, and hitting somone to 'punish' them when you're annoyed. Grey still defines it the wrong way when he's describing it to Ana, but they do establish that Ana becomes aware that what Grey is a bad partner.
-They're polishing a turd.
-Grey is still a douche. He's not as bad as the book, but that's not saying much.
-Dornan did not have the charisma to make up for any of that. I could believe him falling for her in spite of her cliched-ness. I couldn't ever see what she supposedly saw in him. And that gross 'fatherly' tone is still there at times.
-The soundtrack is hilarious.
-They keep some of the worst lines. "I don't make love, I fuck" and "I'm Fifty Shades of Fucked Up" made me laugh and laugh and laugh...
-It's basically a very long Skinemax movie, except you can't masterbate.. And no one should take that as a recommendation to try either.
All in all?
And that was a tl,dr comment brought to you by me.
Edited at 2015-02-12 10:09 pm (UTC)
|Date:||February 13th, 2015 12:48 pm (UTC)|| |
Wow, I didn't even expect that Ana's character would be more developed than Chedward's (probably caused by ELJ digging her heels in whenever someone asked to 'improve' him). But jeez, I dread to think how the fans were like on the first opening *shudders from memory of Twilight*. But I still REALLY pity the director, she obviously tried to hard to lower the craziness from the book, and it's still a dull and anger-inducing movie.
The book is porn! It's whole story centers around sex! It's virtually impossible to tell a story specifically (and allegedly) about BDSM without showing actual BDSM! How the fudge does porn become a mainstream movie? I can see it having a niche market, but it's EVERYWHERE. What about the stories that had beautiful stories, but due to their pornographic elements were relegated to the dreaded NC-17 rating and received minimal advertising? Why does this particular story get special treatment? Is sex to be censored or not, Hollywood? Make up your mind!
Money, dear whittler. The Hollywood folks saw the $$$ and dove in head first.
|Date:||February 12th, 2015 10:55 pm (UTC)|| |
Review for the movie (spoilers, i guess...?)
So, Italy decided, for some reason, to release FSOG in the theaters today. Not sure why, exactly, one'd think they'd wait for Valentine Day like the rest of the world, but I digress. Point is, some friends of mine were curious about it, and I, wanting to see if the movie managed to be better than the books, decided to tag along. My opinion right after the movie? I'm honestly conflicted: on one hand, they did manage to improve some things over the book, to the point that I honestly think the movie ended up being better than the book; on the other hand, it's still FSOG, and it's still a bad movie.
I'll elaborate, starting from what I thought was the best part of the movie: the actors. Both Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan gave very good performances, especially the latter, to the point that -- and I honestly feel weird for saying it -- during the last part of the movie I was actually feeling some sympathy towards Christian Grey. I know, the idea of sympathy towards Hellspawn is ludicrous, but if I had absolutely no knowledge of the source material, I'd have actually believed, at least for a moment, that Christian Grey could be the protagonist of a love story. And the second good point about the movie: they trimmed a lot of the scenes. I think half of the sex scenes from the book weren't in the movie, and the scenes left over went by relatively quickly. Again, it all falls apart if you remember how they are in the book, but if you watch only the movie you can actually believe it's about the exploration of desire or whatever E.L.James thinks the movie is about.
That said, there are some really bad moments in the movie, and I can sum most of them up in one sentence: it's still Fifty Shades of Grey. The plot is still virtually nonexistant and incredibly tedious to watch: pretty much everyone I talked with agrees that the first half is the weakest part of the movie. And while most scenes were trimmed, the worst parts are still there. José assaulting Ana? Check. Chapter 12? Shortened, but still there. Grey trying to finger Ana during dinner? Still there (They did at least replace the rape immediately after with just a conversation, thank God for small favors). Grey stalking Ana while she's out with her mother? It's there. The performances dilute the horror a little, at least compared to the book, but it's still very unsettling.
Also, to end this on a slightly more humorous note, the casting for Grey's brothers was weird: okay, Mia looked pretty much identical to Alice, no surprise here, but the actor for Elliot resembled Jasper more than Emmett. Kind of weird, considering the relationship between the characters in the original fanfiction...
Overall, I'll be generous and give the movie a 3 out of 10, they did try to fix the book a little: but it's still FSOG, it's still a bad movie, and they still left a lot of bad stuff. I don't recommend watching the movie: the improvements aren't nearly enough to fix it, and if you found the book unsettling, there's a high chance the movie will leave you feeling the same way. These are my thoughts on the movie: sorry for any mistakes in the text, English is not my first language. :)
|Date:||February 12th, 2015 11:30 pm (UTC)|| |
Re: Review for the movie (spoilers, i guess...?)
It comes out on Friday 13th here in the UK - I read that the premiere was in Berlin, so presumably the release is being staggered from east to west.
Thanks for the review - I must admit to being a little disappointed it hasn't proved an epic trainwreck.
And once again, like the doofus like I am, I decided to read some of the comments on the Rosie Waterland review. WHY DID I READ THE COMMENTS?!
(Also, I shouldn't be surprised that some people threw the stupid, "Don't like, don't watch/read" card at her, too. I mean, HELLO? SHE CAN'T REVIEW THIN AIR, YOU NINNIES.)
|Date:||February 14th, 2015 12:02 am (UTC)|| |
Please don't hate me hate the movie
(Please don't hate me for saying this first bit)
That the lead actress woman looks way to old for her age in the movie and she's only 25..... Its not her fault but when you need a 21 year old you do not hire a 25 year old who looks so much older then her character is supposed to be. Although she does look close in age with her abuser so we have that to work with.....
Also while I'd never see the movie anyway I'd like the two leads to have chemistry and not be boring and in the previews I've saw they are both then again they have no chemistry and are boring in the book so I guess they did what they were supposed to do, what they should of done was hire people with chemstry....
As for Hellspawn from the Sporkings I've read hellspawn while supposed to look good so good everyone wants him yet he doesn't look good and acts worse so casting on the guy in my opinion was perfect, he looks just like how I picture him but with brown hair although he's not as terrifying sounding as he is in the book.
I'd like to believe the leads are good actors but the only thing I've seen them in is the FSOG previews and those suck!
Also how dare they made the Jose actor shave his head, his real life hair was cool
Also the costume designer/Hellspawn makes Ana dress like she's 30
I also know a few of these comments sound petty and mean. They are but I had to vent and be mean... If they turn an abusive, evil, BDSM sham filled, crap excuse for love story into a movie and they can't even make good wardrobe choices why should I be nice. This should of been a bad movie that you love to hate but it just makes me want to hate, which I hate
But I do like the Beyoncé song in the preview, a lot.
I also love everyone on this wonderful site from you guys are wonderful!
Edited at 2015-02-15 12:10 am (UTC)
Re: Please don't hate me hate the movie
I've said Dakota looks too old, at least mid-30's, and I get a pass because I AM in my mid-30's. No way does she pass for 21 when she looks older than the age she really is. Jamie also looks older than his character. I don't think it's mean to start what's pretty much fact.
Hey, guys. I thought you might like to see this.
I made it for the opening. I added dashes between the number sets after this picture was taken, so it's a little more professional looking, now.Edited at 2015-02-14 05:51 am (UTC)
And apart from how the heterosexual female director of this film, which is intended for an almost entirely heterosexual female audience, chose to shoot the sex scenes in a preposterously male-gazey way, with the camera lingering as it swoops up and down Johnson’s naked body in a way it never does on Dornan’s, as if when heterosexual women think about having sex with a hot guy they imagine themselves not using their eyes to drink in what he looks like but somehow letting their eyes float off into the distance in order to luxuriate in a disembodied view of their own breasts and asses being revealed as they are undressed.
This is one of the primary reasons I've turned to fanfiction when it comes to porn. Heaven forbid a woman see and be aroused by a man's erect dick; the only acceptable "sexy" nudity is female nudity (or at least breasts & ass), and only if the target audience is heterosexual men. If it wasn't for fic that defied heteronormativity, I would've continued feeling alienated by sex scenes.
Movies to Watch Instead
So while this piece of shit is in theaters, why don't we brainstorm movies to watch instead? Here's a couple to start with:
Kingsman: The Secret Service -- I should open with the caveat that if you don't like James Bond and/or some of the ridiculous tropes that occur in spy movies, this probably isn't for you. Otherwise, it's an excellent action film that riffs on some of the conventions in the genre while paying tribute to what made it great to begin with. Colin Firth does a great job being both suave and an efficient fighter while Samuel L. Jackson makes for a great and memorable villain.
Fifty First Dates -- Yes, I know; another comedy. But c'mon; it's for dealing with Fifty Shades of Blah. Anyways, this is one of the few good Adam Sandler movies with a great concept; the female lead, played by Drew Barrymore, has a kind of amnesia that makes it so her memories "reset" whenever she goes to bed, so she thinks that day is the day of the accident. Sandler's character's attempts to woo her are both sweet and hilarious to watch, as are their interactions.
Any other movies you want to recommend? Comment below!
Edited at 2015-02-16 03:36 am (UTC)
Re: Movies to Watch Instead
I know some people who say Fifty First Dates is rapey because she'll wake up while pregnant and be terrified because she doesn't know what happened, but c'mon, she'll have days where she wakes up and sees herself in the mirror older than she was. Is the solution to put her life on hold, or to let her still have a life with a partner who she does love and who's willing to dedicate his own life, every single day, to earning her love over and over again? That's what I got from that movie. He's showing the ultimate dedication, even though every night has to hurt knowing that she won't remember him. It would kill me to know my husband would wake up in the morning with none of the memories we've made together. But Henry chooses to do it because they love each other, and he loves her enough that that heartache is worth it.
I love that movie. It's a movie with a lot of layers and various complex themes.
On Thursday during my government class, a girl behind me asked her friend if he wanted to see Fifty Shades of Grey. He said no.
A friend of mine mentioned that he wanted to see Fifty Shades of Grey. He said that his ex-girlfriend and her mother wanted to see it too.
Why do people want to watch this movie again? Besides the sex scenes.
There is no beside the sex scenes. Everybody wanted the sex scenes.