August 22nd, 2010
|das_mervin||02:58 am - Rose Potter and the Philospher's Stone - Table of Contents|
Rose Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone
By Keiran Halcyon
Alternate Title: Rose Potter is a Bitch
Every so often, you come across one of those extraordinary Sues that is apparently so notorious, so awful, so incredibly foul, and so blatant that it actually manages to garner its own page on TV Tropes. Yes, Rose Potter is that, a naked ninja druidess Girl-Who-Lived Sue who is probably one of if not the worst “replace Harry Potter with a girl who is really the author’s self-insert” Suefic out there. And I, das_mervin, sporked virtually every word without assistance. This is her first year, where Rose, at age eleven, gleefully carves out a swath of murder and mayhem throughout Hogwarts, “correcting” Harry’s supposedly flaws as she goes and slavishly following canon so the author doesn’t have to write anything new even though it is more than clear that her actions would change the HP universe radically. You’ve probably heard of her, folks. Well, here she is. The beginning of the END.
SPORKING CANON: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Note: This sporking is not featured on this LJ; all links lead away to my original Rose Potter scripts and sporkings located on JournalFen.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1 – The Snake
Chapter 2 – The Letter and the Professor
Chapter 3 – A Wonderful Magical World
Chapter 4 – The Journey North
Chapter 5 – The Sorting Hat
Chapter 6 – The Potions Master
Chapter 7 – The Duel that Never Happened
Chapter 8 – Halloween
Chapter 9 – The Attempted Assassination
Chapter 10 – The Mirror of Erised
Chapter 11 – Flamel
Chapter 12 – Saving Norbert
Chapter 13 – The Centaur Firenze
Chapter 14 – Through the Trapdoor
Chapter 15 – A Possessed Teacher
Chapter 16 – Cerelian the Druidess
You deserve a medal for getting through that tripe. I salute you!
Incidentally, this was the first of your sporkings that I read, so this was the first major Sue that I came across. O_o Yeah...
Thanks. :) While Airhead is Hyde and I's greatest triumph, I have to say, Rose Potter is my personal one. I slaughtered that bitch.
Wow--this was your first major Sue? You have my sympathies. That's like saying "Cloud Mows the Lawn" was the first gross-out fic you ever read.
Yeah, stumbled into it from TV Tropes. I was rather...jarred.
Wait, I sort of tell a lie. Technically I read "My Inner Life" first, but I didn't get very far in. I ran away at the first sex scene, so I didn't see how really bad she got. O_o
(Had to delete my previous.)
Fo' realz, that's how I got here, too--via TV Tropes and its link to your sporking. First of your work I read, no exceptions.
Sadly enough, "Cloud Mows the Lawn" was my first gross-out fic.
Thanks for reminding me of that... D: Although it isn't nearly as bad as "Rectified Anonymity", if you haven't read that one, DON'T. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T. (I used to be a big fan of Pokemon, and now I can't even watch the show anymore.)
Is that the one where the guy rapes his Pokemon and then Nurse Joy? O_o I never fully read that one but I...know of it.
Yes. What is wrong with people? Just don't read it, lol.
Yeah, I got to the part where he was getting all suggestive towards her and bailed. x(
I wish I had that amount of common sense, but I don't. D:
Man. Poor you.
Hmm--that's almost a challenge. I don't like Pokemon, never have, and that fic sounds better than "Hogwarts Exposed"--it sounds honest, which I can take. I can handle honest better than Hogwarts Exposed.
I guess that's true, it's just I was new to fanfiction, and that... just that.
It is, but that doesn't make it any less creepy that the main character wants to rape a Pokemon, although the author uses the word 'Pokevagina', so that lessened the pain.
Oh, btw, quick question - in the first chapter sporking, you said this fic was originally your choice for worst canon denial day, but you found something "ten times worse". O_O Erm, what was that, if I may ask?
I'd guess it was Twilight, except that it's "canon denial", not "logic denial".
I believe it was "Harry Potter: Master Assassin".
These were very early sporks of mine, yes. However, fourth year is when I started sporking more. I think fifth year is the best one I did.
No, there are no copies on the Pit, but you can find copies on his Yahoo group. Just go into the files section, they are all in there.
However, keep in mind that that group is VERY NOT-WORKSAFE
. As in, the image the guy has as his group picture is of a completely naked woman, and she is not posed artfully so that her naughty bits are covered.
|Date:||March 5th, 2014 05:48 pm (UTC)|| |
The Original Text
This is an excellently bad fiction series. I must read the original! I have tried and tried to find it, but haven't been able to find anything for free.
Could you send it to me please? If you would, send it to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Why am I looking to read it? Because I will be MOVING it as well.
|Date:||March 5th, 2014 05:50 pm (UTC)|| |
Re: The Original Text
Moving it? What do you mean? And I have the originals, and will gladly send them, but I would like to know what you plan to do with them before I send them.
Why doesn't FF.Net have them? That's why fanfiction has the reputation it does.
I don't know. Though God knows we would all benefit greatly.
And yet this fic wasn't in The Pit, for what I know. Meaning that even FF.net has enough standards for letting this drivel feature in that site
The TV Tropes page on The Girl Who Lived series was deleted some time ago because of changes in that site politics about porny stuff. If you're interested in knowing what it said, go here
Erm... The Journalfen links aren't working. I was looking forward to reading this. What do?
I think the pages are on the Internet Archive. for example: here's the link for the last page: http://web.archive.org/web/*/http://www.journalfen.net/community/the_hms_stfu/119568.html#cutid5
Edited at 2015-07-23 08:16 pm (UTC)
I'd really like to read this sporking, but I can't seem to FIND it. None of the links here work, and google-fu only brings me here and to TVTropes.
|Date:||January 18th, 2016 07:14 am (UTC)|| |
Try the Wayback Machine. Just paste the links in and see if it has it archived. (EDIT: The users above have an example...oops)
Edited at 2016-01-18 07:16 am (UTC)
The Wayback Machine? What's that?
|Date:||January 18th, 2016 07:24 am (UTC)|| |
*Is impressed* Yay!
Weird, the Wayback version works until near the end of GoF, then it suddenly doesn't have any more pages archived. Or maybe it just skips one or two, but I wouldn't know where to search for the.
|Date:||December 1st, 2016 04:57 am (UTC)|| |
(couldn't log into old account, got frustrated and made a new one)
I guess no one ever saved those pages...well, that sucks. :(
I'd try checking other archiving websites, but it's a long shot.
|Date:||January 18th, 2016 07:13 am (UTC)|| |
Tragic death of JournalFen
I've been reading these sporkings for a while, and they are awesome. I know I am very late to the party, but I live under several differently-sized sedimentary rocks, okay? I've only found this now - just in time for JournalFen to go down and take all of this juicy sporking with it.
WHY, JOURNALFEN, WHY?
Thank goodness for the Wayback Machine. I hope all of it's stored there, it's midnight and I don't have time to check.
-- a new user who created an account just to leave a comment here
The Wayback failed.
Do you still have copies of the original sporks somewhere that I could have a look at? I just want to read them (the Wayback has significant chunks of years 4 and 5 in particular missing).
RE: The Wayback failed.
By the way, it's been nearly a decade since you finished the series - have you thought at all about doing a sort of revisit spork?
*shyly raises hand* Um, hi. I'm pretty sure you already know, but the Rose Potter sporkings are all impossible to access, so I was wondering if...well, if you could please do something about it when you have the time? Thank you.