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The Sporkings of Das Mervin and Company - Rose Potter and the Philospher's Stone - Table of Contents

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August 22nd, 2010


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das_mervin
02:58 am - Rose Potter and the Philospher's Stone - Table of Contents
Rose Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone

By Keiran Halcyon

Alternate Title: Rose Potter is a Bitch

Every so often, you come across one of those extraordinary Sues that is apparently so notorious, so awful, so incredibly foul, and so blatant that it actually manages to garner its own page on TV Tropes. Yes, Rose Potter is that, a naked ninja druidess Girl-Who-Lived Sue who is probably one of if not the worst “replace Harry Potter with a girl who is really the author’s self-insert” Suefic out there. And I, das_mervin, sporked virtually every word without assistance. This is her first year, where Rose, at age eleven, gleefully carves out a swath of murder and mayhem throughout Hogwarts, “correcting” Harry’s supposedly flaws as she goes and slavishly following canon so the author doesn’t have to write anything new even though it is more than clear that her actions would change the HP universe radically. You’ve probably heard of her, folks. Well, here she is. The beginning of the END.

SPORKING CANON: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Note: This sporking is not featured on this LJ; all links lead away to my original Rose Potter scripts and sporkings located on JournalFen.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 – The Snake
Chapter 2 – The Letter and the Professor
Chapter 3 – A Wonderful Magical World
Chapter 4 – The Journey North
Chapter 5 – The Sorting Hat
Chapter 6 – The Potions Master
Chapter 7 – The Duel that Never Happened
Chapter 8 – Halloween
Chapter 9 – The Attempted Assassination
Chapter 10 – The Mirror of Erised
Chapter 11 – Flamel
Chapter 12 – Saving Norbert
Chapter 13 – The Centaur Firenze
Chapter 14 – Through the Trapdoor
Chapter 15 – A Possessed Teacher
Chapter 16 – Cerelian the Druidess


(24 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:zelda_queen
Date:August 22nd, 2010 03:15 pm (UTC)
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You deserve a medal for getting through that tripe. I salute you!

Incidentally, this was the first of your sporkings that I read, so this was the first major Sue that I came across. O_o Yeah...
[User Picture]
From:das_mervin
Date:August 22nd, 2010 04:30 pm (UTC)
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Thanks. :) While Airhead is Hyde and I's greatest triumph, I have to say, Rose Potter is my personal one. I slaughtered that bitch.

Wow--this was your first major Sue? You have my sympathies. That's like saying "Cloud Mows the Lawn" was the first gross-out fic you ever read.
[User Picture]
From:zelda_queen
Date:August 22nd, 2010 04:37 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Yeah, stumbled into it from TV Tropes. I was rather...jarred.

Wait, I sort of tell a lie. Technically I read "My Inner Life" first, but I didn't get very far in. I ran away at the first sex scene, so I didn't see how really bad she got. O_o
[User Picture]
From:lurkythespork
Date:August 23rd, 2010 08:48 pm (UTC)
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(Had to delete my previous.)

Fo' realz, that's how I got here, too--via TV Tropes and its link to your sporking. First of your work I read, no exceptions.
[User Picture]
From:tangerine_sama
Date:August 23rd, 2010 10:32 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Sadly enough, "Cloud Mows the Lawn" was my first gross-out fic.

Thanks for reminding me of that... D: Although it isn't nearly as bad as "Rectified Anonymity", if you haven't read that one, DON'T. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T. (I used to be a big fan of Pokemon, and now I can't even watch the show anymore.)
[User Picture]
From:zelda_queen
Date:August 24th, 2010 07:12 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Is that the one where the guy rapes his Pokemon and then Nurse Joy? O_o I never fully read that one but I...know of it.
[User Picture]
From:tangerine_sama
Date:August 24th, 2010 11:39 pm (UTC)
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Yes. What is wrong with people? Just don't read it, lol.
[User Picture]
From:zelda_queen
Date:August 24th, 2010 11:57 pm (UTC)
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Yeah, I got to the part where he was getting all suggestive towards her and bailed. x(
[User Picture]
From:tangerine_sama
Date:August 25th, 2010 04:03 pm (UTC)
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I wish I had that amount of common sense, but I don't. D:
[User Picture]
From:das_mervin
Date:August 25th, 2010 12:03 am (UTC)
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Man. Poor you.

Hmm--that's almost a challenge. I don't like Pokemon, never have, and that fic sounds better than "Hogwarts Exposed"--it sounds honest, which I can take. I can handle honest better than Hogwarts Exposed.
[User Picture]
From:tangerine_sama
Date:August 25th, 2010 04:04 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I guess that's true, it's just I was new to fanfiction, and that... just that.

It is, but that doesn't make it any less creepy that the main character wants to rape a Pokemon, although the author uses the word 'Pokevagina', so that lessened the pain.
[User Picture]
From:zelda_queen
Date:August 24th, 2010 07:13 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Oh, btw, quick question - in the first chapter sporking, you said this fic was originally your choice for worst canon denial day, but you found something "ten times worse". O_O Erm, what was that, if I may ask?
[User Picture]
From:lurkythespork
Date:August 24th, 2010 09:06 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I'd guess it was Twilight, except that it's "canon denial", not "logic denial".
[User Picture]
From:das_mervin
Date:August 24th, 2010 09:29 pm (UTC)
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I believe it was "Harry Potter: Master Assassin".
[User Picture]
From:zelda_queen
Date:August 24th, 2010 11:57 pm (UTC)
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Ah, thanks!
[User Picture]
From:musiclover42
Date:July 19th, 2012 12:48 am (UTC)
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I haven't read all of these, but it kind of seems like too much scripting and not enough recapping :( Of course, I'm assuming it was just that bad, but I like the recapping style better (although the scripting is still funny). I don't suppose any copies of this are still floating around in the Pit, are they? I don't mind the scripting(it's actually very funny, and still gets to the point), but I think I'd rather read it myself, it makes it easier for me to follow along.

Edited at 2012-07-19 12:53 am (UTC)
[User Picture]
From:das_mervin
Date:July 19th, 2012 01:10 am (UTC)
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These were very early sporks of mine, yes. However, fourth year is when I started sporking more. I think fifth year is the best one I did.

No, there are no copies on the Pit, but you can find copies on his Yahoo group. Just go into the files section, they are all in there. However, keep in mind that that group is VERY NOT-WORKSAFE. As in, the image the guy has as his group picture is of a completely naked woman, and she is not posed artfully so that her naughty bits are covered.
[User Picture]
From:musiclover42
Date:July 19th, 2012 01:16 am (UTC)
(Link)
Thank you for the link and the warning, I'll keep that in mind. Good luck with the rest of your sporkings! I can't wait for the Loki ones.


Edited at 2012-07-19 01:17 am (UTC)
From:(Anonymous)
Date:March 5th, 2014 05:48 pm (UTC)

The Original Text

(Link)
This is an excellently bad fiction series. I must read the original! I have tried and tried to find it, but haven't been able to find anything for free.

Could you send it to me please? If you would, send it to mrblarsen10@yahoo.com.

Why am I looking to read it? Because I will be MOVING it as well.
[User Picture]
From:das_mervin
Date:March 5th, 2014 05:50 pm (UTC)

Re: The Original Text

(Link)
Moving it? What do you mean? And I have the originals, and will gladly send them, but I would like to know what you plan to do with them before I send them.
[User Picture]
From:Tricia Cherry
Date:July 11th, 2014 03:05 pm (UTC)

Standards

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Why doesn't FF.Net have them? That's why fanfiction has the reputation it does.
[User Picture]
From:star_dragon5
Date:September 8th, 2014 08:24 pm (UTC)

Re: Standards

(Link)
I don't know. Though God knows we would all benefit greatly.
[User Picture]
From:veneotaqueen
Date:September 16th, 2014 06:45 pm (UTC)

Re: Standards

(Link)
And yet this fic wasn't in The Pit, for what I know. Meaning that even FF.net has enough standards for letting this drivel feature in that site
[User Picture]
From:veneotaqueen
Date:September 16th, 2014 06:55 pm (UTC)
(Link)
The TV Tropes page on The Girl Who Lived series was deleted some time ago because of changes in that site politics about porny stuff. If you're interested in knowing what it said, go here and marvel.

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