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February 2nd, 2011


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das_mervin
10:29 pm - Because God Commanded It - Table of Contents
Because God Commanded It

By Touch of the Wind

Alternate Title: Because God Hates Me

When the episode titled “Live Free or Twi-Hard” aired, we got to see what happens when Twilight collides head-on with “Supernatural”—it gets beheaded. But what happens when you take that same collision and put it into the hands of an actual Twihard? “Because God Commanded It” happens. This fic is the utter destruction and desecration of “Supernatural”, taking every theme it has from “family is everything” to “humanity wins” and shoving it aside to make room for the themes of the Twilight series. The characterizations of everyone we know and love from Kripke’s series are systematically slaughtered and replaced with those Meyer created. And just to add insult to injury? The angel Castiel gets defiled by none other than Bella Swan. I think we can all agree that Meg is infinitely preferable.

This isn’t gonna be pretty, folks.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 – Saving Bella
Chapter 2 – Missouri
Chapter 3 – In the Rain
Chapter 4 – Doing Things Properly
Chapter 5 – Renee
Chapter 6 – Solutions
Chapter 7 – I Do
Chapter 8 – Grace
Chapter 9 – Lazarus Rising
Chapter 10 – Are You There, God? It’s Me… Dean Winchester
Chapter 11 – In the Beginning
Chapter 12 – It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester
Chapter 13 – Heaven and Hell
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16 – On the Head of a Pin (Part I)
Chapter 17 – On the Head of a Pin (Part II)
Chapter 18


(23 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:gehayi
Date:February 3rd, 2011 05:28 am (UTC)
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You are braver than I, m'dear. I am looking at your description of this nightmare and regarding it with horror and dread.

Also, you have me hooked on SPN now. You have converted me. (I cannot decide between the brothers, however. Is it possible to be both a Sam AND Dean girl?)
From:southerngaelic
Date:February 3rd, 2011 08:13 pm (UTC)
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Is it possible to be both a Sam AND Dean girl?

Yes. Yes, it is <333
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:demon_sprite
Date:May 26th, 2013 08:42 pm (UTC)
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"Also, you have me hooked on SPN now. You have converted me"

I also have to say that this sporking also has me hooked on Supernatural as well...I'm mostly just in it for the mythos and the ho yay...
[User Picture]
From:quicksilvermad
Date:February 3rd, 2011 06:55 am (UTC)
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I can already tell...



GET OUTTA MY FANDOM.

For your health, I will follow this with you so it's not in vain.
[User Picture]
From:emmram
Date:February 3rd, 2011 08:25 am (UTC)
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Is this a... is this a rewrite of s4, or something? I mean, looking at some of the chapter titles...

Good lord. My stomach's roiling, already. Not the one fandom I hold dear to my heart! No!!! *dramatic swoon*
[User Picture]
From:ruana1
Date:February 3rd, 2011 09:36 am (UTC)
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Oh, no no no no no no...

I'm going to be clawing my eyes out, because I can't look away. You hate me, right? You're doing this because you hate me.

*soothes self with prospect of going home to Season 3*
[User Picture]
From:miyuko_matsuda
Date:February 3rd, 2011 11:45 am (UTC)

This Fanfic is gonna Suck

(Link)
D:. Good luck Mervin
(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)
From:pastiche_cain
Date:February 3rd, 2011 03:06 pm (UTC)
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I think there's spoilers for all seasons. Mervin says so on her personal LJ.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:das_mervin
Date:February 3rd, 2011 03:37 pm (UTC)
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Yes, there are extensive and explicit spoilers for all six seasons--some people don't watch SPN, so I often feel the need to offer a brief explanation for some of the stuff I'm ranting about. 'Fraid you're gonna have to skip this one for now. But you should probably be thankful for that--your blood pressure and sanity will love you forever and ever.
[User Picture]
From:ruana1
Date:February 3rd, 2011 04:21 pm (UTC)
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Oh good. Now I can look away. (We're not getting Season 6 until 'summer', if then. Thanks for nothing, Sky.)
[User Picture]
From:chainfyre
Date:February 3rd, 2011 07:00 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I think somebody watched Supernatural with the sound off.

HOW DO YOU MISS THE FACT THAT SUPERNATURAL IS BASCICALLY THE DIRECT OPPOSITE OF TWILIGHT.


FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!


Also, see icon for what I would like to do to the fic.
[User Picture]
From:sylvacoer
Date:February 4th, 2011 07:32 am (UTC)
(Link)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I JUST GOT TO CASTIEL'S FIRST APPEARANCE, WHY'D THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY~!?!?!?!?!?!?


...
... *clicks link to first chapter*
(Deleted comment)
From:(Anonymous)
Date:February 17th, 2011 02:41 am (UTC)
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Bella...and...Cas?

Please allow me to illustrate how I feel about this concept:
Angry face

I will eat you. Not in the nice, slashy way but in a raging 'I can only express my anger through physical violence' kind of way.
Really even the thought is pushing a Button of Rage that I did not knew that I owned.
[User Picture]
From:onechairleft
Date:February 19th, 2011 04:58 pm (UTC)

This story makes me cry...

(Link)
... I can't even find my happy place, I'm so distraught.

I don't... I can't... *head explodes*

What has she *done* to Castiel?!

But, on the plus side, the suethor did manage to create a fic which has led to a very entertaining sporking... should she get the credit for that, though?

[User Picture]
From:hickumu
Date:March 23rd, 2011 03:11 pm (UTC)
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You know...I just realized.

"It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester" was already ridiculously offensive.

I really don't want to see what the Suethor's gonna do with it.
[User Picture]
From:sttq
Date:March 26th, 2011 06:43 pm (UTC)

Ah, I see...

(Link)
Another case of canon mangling through inappropriate crossover. Well, shit.

*salutes you* Here, have a bottle of Chivas Regal. Hell, have a whole crate. Might come in handy for the next couple of chapters.
[User Picture]
From:geminiphantom
Date:June 24th, 2011 01:09 am (UTC)
(Link)
Totally awesome that ya'll sporked this.

I had actually put the link to this story up on the Twilight Haters group on GoodReads a couple of years ago...

Their reactions were as expected. http://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/197974-horrible-fanfiction-the-rape-of-castiel
[User Picture]
From:rebelatnight
Date:June 17th, 2012 04:48 am (UTC)
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It was this sporking that got me into Supernatural.

I can't thank you enough. The show changed my life for the better.

EDIT: Even though it made me hate this fic A LOT more

Edited at 2012-06-17 09:09 am (UTC)

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