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By Gethsemane Butler
Alternate Title: Serial Killers are Hawt
When Tim Burton announced that he would be directing a movie adaptation of Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street and his pick for the titular character would be his
husband perennial favorite, Johnny Depp, I knew there would be Sues. How could you not think there would be? However, the Sues themselves were slow to emerge, as the film had a somewhat limited release. For a time, I was tentatively hoping that maybe very few would show up. But I should have known better—after all, he’s a brooding, vengeful psychopath who can always be changed for the better by a good woman, right? So it was no surprise when I checked The Pit and found this waiting for me. This right here was the very first Mary Sue to ever grace the fandom. And it’s probably one of the worst, mostly because this author is the biggest, most arrogant and full of herself Suethor this side of the Atlantic. Oh, sorry—according to her, she’s not on this side of the Atlantic. She lives in Paris with her three perfect children and has seven houses on two continents and wears 3000 Euro dresses regularly and wears gothic clothes and casually lounges in silk nightgowns and her husband is Gerard Butler—but she calls him Erik. My apologies—minor digression. I’ll sum up—this Sue SUCKS.
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