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December 31st, 2012

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09:25 pm - The Spork Suggestion Box
The Spork Suggestion Box

I get a lot of requests to spork certain fics. And I am very sorry to say that I have to decline 99% of them simply because I don’t have the time or desire to spork them. However, that certainly doesn’t say that they don’t deserve to be sporked! Well, I’ve got thirty sporkers here and the number is still growing, and there is a chance that one of them will be more than willing to take it on! So this is where you can suggest a fic. This is for everybody’s benefit—you want to see the spork, so maybe it will get sporked here. Maybe a sporker is in need of a new fic to attack—well, this is where they can come to find one. We all win.

In order to make things easier for submission format, all you gotta do is C&P this text into the comment box:

Then you just add the fic’s title into the subject line and tell everyone why you want it sporked, along with any warnings or things like that and you’re good to go. If you are still unclear, the first suggestion in this post is a submission of my own, so you can follow that format.

(695 comments | Leave a comment)


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[User Picture]
Date:January 1st, 2013 03:26 am (UTC)


FIC: A Simple Wish
SUETHOR: daydreamer8301
FANDOM(S): The Lord of the Rings (Movie!Verse)
SUMMARY: A young woman with a troubled past makes a simple wish and is brought to the last place she would have thought of. Can she find the happiness she has longed for or is it too good to be true? EomerOC, may be a little OOC not certain though!

This Suethor is a repeat offender—I actually sporked a little bit of one of her fics here on deleterius and brought the profile here. Her fics are all a bastion of Mary Sues, all of which involve her cramming her self-insert into existing canon and turning them all into harlequin romances and always shoving in at least one by-the-book sex scene. Sound familiar? Yes, sounds like Gethsemane! However, there is a difference—hers are actually a lot fluffier and are great for a light spork, despite their length. Definitely recommend any of her fics for a sporking—and if you want, you can even spork the one I used for a profile here. After all, I only sporked three selections from the fic. The whole thing is full of even more fail. She has all of the classic LOTR clichés in her fics—the one submitted here is the usual “falls into Middle Earth” Sue cliché.

Edited at 2013-01-01 04:32 am (UTC)
[User Picture]
Date:February 25th, 2014 12:23 pm (UTC)

Re: [LORD OF THE RINGS] A Simple Wish

As an Eomer/Lothiriel shipper, I wouldn't mind giving this one a go.
Date:January 1st, 2013 07:09 pm (UTC)

[HARRY POTTER] Bloodline Book One: The Prince of Slytherin

FIC: Bloodline Book One: The Prince of Slytherin (http://www.harrypotterfanfiction.com/viewstory.php?psid=160059)
SUETHOR: Gethsemane Butler
FANDOM(S): Harry Potter
SUMMARY: Book One of my new Bloodline series. Tom Riddle falls for a Gryffindor, Elizabeth Monroe, in his sixth year.

Yep... while Gethsemane may have deleted the majority of her fanfics on FF.net, traces of her Sue-work still exist on various fansites. Luckily, this fanfic, despite being a supposed "Book 1" of a god-knows-how-many-long series, hasn't been updated since 2007; meaning that it's safe to say that it has been abandoned for good. Unluckily, since this is Gethy's work, it's sure to contain all of her trademarks, such as romanticizing a "tortured soul"; because nothing says "tortured," and "redeemed by the power of Gethy's Sue-per powers love," like Tom Riddle: the man who would later become the wizard equivalent of a genocidal, power-hungry dictator.

Brace yourselves, Potter fans, because it doesn't look like it's going to be pretty (well, it'll be pretty dull, but you know what I mean).
[User Picture]
Date:January 2nd, 2013 06:57 am (UTC)

Re: [HARRY POTTER] Bloodline Book One: The Prince of Slytherin

I'll do it.
Date:January 2nd, 2013 12:48 am (UTC)

Harry Potter/ Old Kingdom: Hadrian Abhorsen

FIC: Hadrian Abhorsen http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7037319/2/Hadrian-Abhorsen (FIC LINK)
SUETHOR: sakruademonalchemist
FANDOM(S): Harry Potter/ Old Kingdom Trilogy crossover
SUMMARY: Lily Potter had a secret James never knew. She was an Abhorsen, born to set the dead to rest. She takes her son past the Veil along with Sirius in an attempt to keep them safe. Sabriel and Hadrian must now deal with Dumbledore's plots after Kerrigor.
COMPLETE/INCOMPLETE: Incomplete, appears abandoned

Now, in theory, a crossover between Harry Potter and the Old Kingdom Trilogy (Sabriel, Lirael, Abhorsen) could be all kinds of cool, particularly since they share several thematic parallels. Unfortunately, this is not that story, featuring instead a Stu!Harry ludicrously overpowered by both settings' standards (oh, and he's now Sabriel's half-brother, for reasons known only to the stuthor), plenty of Dumbledore and Weasley bashing, and a smushing of the settings and magic-systems of both series thoughtlessly together into a chaotic lump that makes no sense and does justice to neither. Honestly, when you're getting flashbacks to "Harry Potter and the Forgotten Realms", there's something terribly wrong. Fortunately, it's been over a year since it updated, so I'm assuming it's dead, but the chapters are nice and long.

Oh, and Harry's name is now inexplicably "Hadrian". Yeah, it's that kind of fic.
Date:January 2nd, 2013 12:54 am (UTC)

Re: Harry Potter/ Old Kingdom: Hadrian Abhorsen

Whoops, above like takes you to the second chapter. First chapter can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7037319/1/Hadrian-Abhorsen
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
Date:January 2nd, 2013 02:44 pm (UTC)

Re: [HARRY POTTER] Little Miss Mary

*Deathly scream* Nooooooo, the guidelines say no squickfic!
[User Picture]
Date:January 2nd, 2013 03:21 pm (UTC)

[NARUTO] For Your Eyes Only

FIC: For Your Eyes Only. The uncut chapters are found at the author's site.
SUETHOR: Shirohane
FANDOM(S): Naruto
SUMMARY: Iruka decides to mate his pet kitten, Naruto, when he goes into heat. This leads him to meet Kakashi, owner of Sasuke the kitten, and sparks fly. However, the pets are not the only ones who find their soulmates... SasuNaru, KakaIru.

To quote from the old TV Tropes Horrible Fanfics page: "Every single character, "pet" and human alike, is so Out Of Character that they could not see their normal selves with the Hubble telescope. Even though the pets are supposed to be hermaphrodites, and even though their canonical selves are not like this, both the pets and the humans fulfill every single offensive gender stereotype possible; it's as if the author was using a checklist. Naruto is still referred to with male pronouns, but he acts like a stereotypical cutesy little girl except for all the sex. He is supposed to be sixteen years old but behaves childishly. He speaks in a combination of Baby Talk and You No Take Candle so severe that he cannot correctly pronounce his own name -- it always comes out as "Naryuho". The supposedly-appealing childishness crosses into blatant stupidity at times; at sixteen years old, he is apparently unfamiliar with the word "women"!"

On top of that, we've got Rape is Love, Sex-Ed Failure, Sakura bashing, Idiot Plot and Biology Fail up the wazoo.
[User Picture]
Date:August 9th, 2015 12:52 am (UTC)

Re: [NARUTO] For Your Eyes Only

Seconding this one. I and a friend PPCed it way back, it'd be cathartic to have someone else share the pain.
Date:January 3rd, 2013 01:25 pm (UTC)

[TWILIGHT] The Twilight Saga: New Dawn

FIC: Twilight Saga: New Dawn (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8839683/1/The-Twilight-Saga-New-Dawn)
SUETHOR: Wolf8789
FANDOM(S): Twilight
SUMMARY: NEW VERSION! A new vampire named Alexander has joined the Cullens. He's known to be the world's most feared vampire with a dark past. Meanwhile, Angel who also has a dark past as well, is now beginning a new chapter in her life. These two meet and fall in love but what happens when Alex's brutal past comes back to haunt him? Can he stop the bloodshed and face his worst nightmare?
COMPLETE/INCOMPLETE: Incomplete (ongoing)

A Twilight fix involving the Suethor's grossly overpowered OCs, both of whom have dark and troubled pasts.The "protagonist", if he can be called that, is ridiculously overpowered, having numerous abilities, including the ability to block out Edward, give false visions of the future to Alice and have enough strength to take on multiple newborns and werewolves on with no difficulty. He also worked with the Volturi and became bestest buds with them, including Jane, despite them also fearing him. Also, apparently the most feared vampire in the world, having killed thousands of humans, for which he claims to have remorse, but rarely, if ever, shows it. if anything, he seems overly nostalgic about it.

The POV constantly switches to the protagonist's love interest, who inexplicably falls in love with him, despite knowing absolutely nothing about him. The author also seems to know very little of female anatomy, as she constantly gushes fluids at an alarming rate.

It's practically a rewrite of Twilight, but with worse protagonists.
Date:January 3rd, 2013 01:33 pm (UTC)

Re: [TWILIGHT] The Twilight Saga: New Dawn

Forgot to mention that the charcaters can sometimes act alarmingly OOC. For example, Leah is friendly with the vampire protagonist (we see no evidence for this, it's just described, but still...) and Edward is happy when the other characters are taught how to block his mind reading abilities (yes, the protagonist can do that too).
(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
Date:January 3rd, 2013 08:01 pm (UTC)

[WRECK-IT RALPH] Hero's Duty: Raiders for the Golden Hammer

FIC: Hero's Duty: Raiders for the Golden Hammer
SUETHOR: ShadowLink108
FANDOM(S): Wreck-It Ralph, Metal Gear Solid 3, Nintendo, Assassin's Creed, and maybe some others, in that order.
SUMMARY: A cold, bitter war between Nintendo and The Sony-Microsoft Alliance has escalated the conflict to an inevitable climax. When rumours of Felix's Golden Hammer drives both sides to infiltrate Litwak's Arcade, Felix and his friends are dragged into and become involved in a two-on-one console war. Each must face a bitter truth: "There can be only one!"

This fic is a massive wreck of confusing action sequences, plot holes, and characters more interested in being badass than being in-character written by what appears to be an angry, disillusioned Nintendo fanboy. This was actually one of the top contenders when I was looking for a WIR fic to spork, but I had to give up on it when my Metal Gear Solid knowledge fell short of the task. If someone knows Metal Gear Solid, but feels unprepared for some of the other fandoms, I'm willing to co-spork.
[User Picture]
Date:January 5th, 2013 04:26 am (UTC)

[TWILIGHT] Angel and Devil

FIC: Angel and Devil
SUETHOR: MisaMisaLand
FANDOM(S): Twilight
SUMMARY: Post Twilight; Bella and Lottie OC weren't saved by the Cullens when James was after Bella. Now 200 years later they meet the Cullens again as the most lethal of the Volturi guard. Will they seek revenge or join the Cullen family again? READ TO FIND OU

Did you all think that Bella needed to be Sued up even more? Do you hate illogic in an already illogical canon? Did you think there needed to be ANOTHER Mary Sue in this horrific? This Suethor did. This thing is hideous. It's horrible. It's BAD. And since it came from Twilight, you know there's going to be many Sues. I wish you luck if you take this on - you might need it. Then again, since the chapters are mostly short, you might not.
[User Picture]
Date:January 8th, 2013 06:03 pm (UTC)

Re: [TWILIGHT] Angel and Devil

...That is hilarious.
[User Picture]
Date:January 7th, 2013 09:35 am (UTC)

[Fallout] Coming of Age

FIC: Coming of Age
SUETHOR: Knackster
FANDOM(S): Fallout Series
SUMMARY: Veronica is a virgin and after everything they have been through, she want a M!Courier to be the one that *ahem* 'pops her cork.' It can be fluffy, smutty or however you want it.

This... is a story that takes a canonly LESBIAN woman and says that it was "real" because it wasn't with a man. It takes a canon relationship and completely brushes it aside so the Stuthor can enjoy himself while bashing same-sex relationships. It is completely full of Unfortunate Implications and someone needs to take a look at this.

Edited at 2013-01-09 02:50 am (UTC)
[User Picture]
Date:February 2nd, 2014 05:10 am (UTC)

Re: [Fallout] Coming of Age

Ugh. Auuug. I remember this piece of crap (and the dramatic reading).
[User Picture]
Date:January 9th, 2013 08:38 pm (UTC)

[SRMTHFG] Super Robot Alien Team Hyper Force Go

FIC: Super Robot Alien Team Hyper Force Go
FANDOM(S): Super Robot Monkey Team Hyper Force Go!
SUMMARY: This is similar to the Robot Monkey Team except it turns out to be aliens when a thirteen year old girl was an normal schoolgirl until she had discovered the advance super robot that changes her life forever. As the leader of the alien team, she will serve her city and protect her people from the veils of the Skeleton Sorceress named Alia.
COMPLETE/INCOMPLETE: Incomplete (Ongoing?)

Basically, everyone, this is SRMTHFG, just with aliens, a girl Chiro, and the Suethor trying her best to make us believe she totally isn't copying things just from the show, you guys! Also starring the most ANNOYING version of the Hyper Force Team ever, enough to seriously piss off any fan of the show. Those who attempt this spork? I salute you!

Edited at 2013-01-09 10:54 pm (UTC)
[User Picture]
Date:August 27th, 2016 06:17 pm (UTC)

Re: [SRMTHFG] Super Robot Alien Team Hyper Force Go

As a former member of the SRMTHFG fandom, I VOLUNTEER AS SPORKER!
[User Picture]
Date:January 9th, 2013 11:49 pm (UTC)


FIC: Alpha's Mate
SUETHOR: dragonoffire3
FANDOM(S): Twilight/Harry Potter
SUMMARY: After Edward leaves, Bella is found by Fenrir Greyback. She finds out the true meaning of belonging, and what it's like to have a true mate. Lemons!
NUMBER OF CHAPTERS: 9 (about 10,000 words total)
COMPLETE/INCOMPLETE: Incomplete; Fic Abandoned.

Hey guys, isn't Fenrir Greyback romantic? Doncha just want to see him take possession of Bella Swan? Also invloves a sub plot where they kidnap Hermione and Harry and where the vampires kidnap a few pups. The plus side of this fic is they do kill Edward Cullen :P Oh and Bella has magic, of course. ::)
The author does get some stuff canonically right though - mostly that when she meets Fenrir Bella suddenly never wants to see her family again.

EDIT: I should add that some of teh sexual scenes in this creeped me out. When i said "possession" I MEANT IT LITERALLY. Basically he touches her without consent while she's sleeping.

Edited at 2013-01-09 11:58 pm (UTC)
[User Picture]
Date:January 10th, 2013 08:13 pm (UTC)


FENRIR GREYBACK?... Wait, actually, they deserve each other. Carry on!
[User Picture]
Date:January 14th, 2013 07:25 pm (UTC)

[HARRY POTTER] Harry Potter and the Feisty sentiment

FIC: Harry Potter and the Feisty sentiment (yes, it is capitalized that way)
SUETHOR: DarkSnakeLordess
FANDOM(S): Harry Potter
SUMMARY: What if Voldemort's name was the one to come out of the triwizard cup when the professors had asked for Harry's most invaluable person? Harry maybe a Gryffindor but his heart is of a true slytherin. The saviour of the wizarding world has fallen for the supposed dark lord now what is the world to do? Some will rejoice while others plot revenge. LemurDemon!Harry HPLV SLASH

The WTFery evident in the author's summary is just scratching the surface of the WTFery in this fanfic, which seems to take it up a notch with every single chapter. Not only is Harry a lemur demon in love with Voldemort, he's also I think the most OOC Harry that I've ever seen in any fanfic.

Boring descriptions of chores intersperse with ukefication, random nonsensical cuddling scenes between nearly everyone, a screwed-up timeline, illogic taken to absurd extremes, completely random events, violent bullies who are never reported to the authorities, and all the things that tend to go wrong with mpreg fics.

(Replies frozen)(Thread)
[User Picture]
Date:January 16th, 2013 03:59 am (UTC)

Re: [HARRY POTTER] Harry Potter and the Feisty sentiment

I am eyeing this fic with pleasure. A sporking feels imminent.
(Replies frozen)(Parent) (Thread) (Expand)
[User Picture]
Date:January 16th, 2013 07:46 pm (UTC)

[SOUL EATER] Forever in the Never After

FIC: Forever in the Never After
SUETHOR: Neko Anomaly
FANDOM(S): Soul Eater
RATING: R (maybe NC-17 if you count the sex scenes)
SUMMARY: A new set of villain have risen and are targeting the families of the cast of Soul Eater. The story deals with the growing pains of the cast when they realized even Miesters and Weapons must eventual grow up. Story revolves around all cast. Kid POV SxMxK

This is a story I stumbled across two some years ago now when I was looking for fics that shipped Maka and Death the Kid. The only bits that I've really read in detail were the sex scenes (which are technically in their own separate story in the Pit), but that and the snippets of the plot I've read were enough. Death the Kid is MAJORLY creepy in this story, in a way he never was in canon, constantly overriding Maka's concerns and downplaying her fears every time he wants to touch her sexually and generally treating her like she belongs to him (he hates Soul because he thinks he's getting in the way of his and Maka's relationship). Oh, and this is a minor point but everyone else is out of character too (particularly Maka, who seems to have turned into a Possession Sue).

I can't actually spork this one, both because I've got a backlog of other sporks and because I'm not super familiar with "Soul Eater's" canon. But if anyone else wants to spork it (with the sex scenes included or not), I await the spork with open ears.

Edited at 2013-01-16 07:48 pm (UTC)
[User Picture]
Date:January 19th, 2013 05:39 am (UTC)


FIC: Game Over
SUETHOR: Heart of a Dixon
FANDOM(S): The Walking Dead (TV Show!Verse)
SUMMARY: What chance does 16 year old Kaiya stand at winning over a guy as tough as Daryl Dixon? And how are her odds affected by the fact that a single wrong move could mean game over? DarylXOC Please don't let the age difference throw you off. It will make more sense if you read it. Give it a chance.

The age difference is definitely what drew me in as someone who wanted to (and started to) spork this, but along with not following the actual guidelines of the fandom as provided by the show, as well as ignoring common logic, the author does a horrible job of disguising this Mary Sue self-insert (she says she's 16 in her profile). There don't seem to be many TWD sporks here and I figured this is as good a place as any.

It is part 1 of a trilogy, and it's sequels are (fortunately) not quite as long.

P.S.: My favorite logical fallacy from this story so far was that apparently the end of the world happened in one afternoon~ Y'know, despite what several characters said in the show.
Date:January 31st, 2013 12:00 am (UTC)

[HARRY POTTER] The Storybook of Hogwarts

FIC: The Storybook of Hogwarts (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5219630/1/The-Storybook-of-Hogwarts)
SUETHOR: Sweet Kagamine Kiss
FANDOM(S): Harry Potter
SUMMARY: You notice this book's odd title on a fifth shelf when you use your permission slip to check out books in the Restricted Section. You decided on sneaking this mysterious book out without letting Madam Pince discovering what you're doing, and decide to read what's inside in your common room. You are surprised at what's written inside. Each little insert have ratings from K to M.

Mini-fic collections like this have the potential to have nice little ideas in them. This one...doesn't. Not even one. Filled with OOC characters, pointless character bashing, bad writing, and one of the worst cases of an author shoving whatever it is he likes in a fic and making the other characters like it too I've ever seen, this fic collection is just plain terrible. One a side note, he does have some more 'traditional' (IE, chapter fics) stories in his repertoire if that's more your thing, I just picked the one that I felt had the highest concentration of suck.
[User Picture]
Date:February 1st, 2013 06:13 am (UTC)


I don't know if we are allowed to suggest published work. I'll just throw this out anyways.

FIC: Goodreads Page

SUTHOR: Leigh Bardugo

FANDOM: The Grisha Series.


SUMMARY: Surrounded by enemies, the once-great nation of Ravka has been torn in two by the Shadow Fold, a swath of near impenetrable darkness crawling with monsters who feast on human flesh. Now its fate may rest on the shoulders of one lonely refugee.

Alina Starkov has never been good at anything. But when her regiment is attacked on the Fold and her best friend is brutally injured, Alina reveals a dormant power that saves his life—a power that could be the key to setting her war-ravaged country free. Wrenched from everything she knows, Alina is whisked away to the royal court to be trained as a member of the Grisha, the magical elite led by the mysterious Darkling.

Yet nothing in this lavish world is what it seems. With darkness looming and an entire kingdom depending on her untamed power, Alina will have to confront the secrets of the Grisha…and the secrets of her heart.



Mousy girl who isn't notice by anyone? Check

Revealed to have awesome, super rare power? Check

Awesome, super rare power fluffy and non elemental? Double check (Power to manipulate the sun's light, bitches)

MC turns pretty after discovered said power? Check!

Said powers have no apparent downfalls? Check and Check!

I would spork this myself, but I honestly don't have the confidence to run a full spork on my own. I'm willing to do a co-spork if anyone wishes to tackle this with me.

Bonus points if you know anything about Russian Culture.

Edited at 2013-02-02 01:54 am (UTC)
[User Picture]
Date:February 3rd, 2013 02:30 am (UTC)


This could've been potentially awesome if the MC didn't turn pretty. I mean, maybe the training might have toned her up and made her more athletically built (instead of "mousy" or--gasp--chubby if that's the case here) and that could've made her more attractive, but not necessarily pretty. Damn it, author, now I want to go read Tamora Pierce. She totally did the "chubby MC growls up and slenders down but is still mostly attractive because of personality and not looks" well and not Sue-like.

Or is the writing really bad, too?
Date:February 3rd, 2013 06:30 am (UTC)
FIC: Spectator (http://m.fanfiction.net/s/8668275/1/Spectator)
SUETHOR: Ninja Delivery Girl
FANDOM(S): The Hunger Games
They say that the worst thing that can happen to you is being reaped for the Hunger Games. I disagree. The worst thing that can happen to you is being forced to watch someone else being reaped for the Hunger Games.
[User Picture]
Date:February 4th, 2013 11:34 am (UTC)

Yaoi (not fanic)

FIC: Okane Ga Nai
"AUTHOR": Hitoyo Shinozaki
RATING: Very, very NSFW

There's this absolutely horrid yaoi called "Okane Ga Nai", aka "No Money". Like most yaois, it features graphic rape, and like most yaois, the victim falls in love with the rapist. This one's particularly disturbing and it feels me with rage and hatred. It has four episodes, all of which can watched for free on the Youtubes.

Instead of being like a "sporking", could someone instead do a recap of it, like Mervin does with the Craplight series? This yaoi is so godawful and rage-inducing that it truly deserves to have someone tear it apart.
[User Picture]
Date:February 4th, 2013 04:58 pm (UTC)

Re: Yaoi (not fanic)

You might like zarla's recaps of the first two episodes. I don't know whether or not she'll do the other ones.

I'd be more than happy to spork it, but I don't think I could come up with enough humor alongside simultaneously raging and losing braincells. I'd love to see someone else tackle it though! I hate hate hate hate hate this animanga.
[User Picture]
Date:February 4th, 2013 10:46 pm (UTC)

[Naruto] I Am

SUETHOR: FreddyJason27
FANDOM(S): Naruto
SUMMARY: The Silver Eyed Wolf of Kumogakuru tells the tale of how she obtained her eyes. -She is a character from my story "One Stubborn Little". -

On a scale of one to ten, this fic barely rates a two on the badness scale. It's good for a first-time spork in the Naruto fandom, or just a first-time spork if you're trying to get used to it. Whoever takes it, I wish you well.
[User Picture]
Date:August 10th, 2013 01:27 am (UTC)

Re: [Naruto] I Am

I'm usually a lurker in this comm, but I'll take it. It'll be a good start for Naruto fic.
Date:February 5th, 2013 05:15 pm (UTC)
FIC: Spectator (http://
SUETHOR: Ninja Delivery Girl
FANDOM(S): The Hunger Games
They say that the worst thing that
can happen to you is being reaped
for the Hunger Games. I disagree.
The worst thing that can happen to
you is being forced to watch
someone else being reaped for the
Hunger Games.

Oops! I forgot to say just why this should be sporked - sorry for the repost.
It is OC-centric, with an irritating, selfish, Mary-Sueish MC who steals Prim's background and whose God-Sue sister steals Katniss's. Her Sympathetic!Gary-Stu brother is a nonentity intended to make you feel sorry for the MC even more. The writing isn't horrific, but the writer seems to have no clue about how the reaping, Districts or Games work (it's a District 7 fic). There is only one chapter, which the author had stated she intended to continue during mid-term holidays -- so be ready for updates, I guess.
Date:February 11th, 2013 11:40 pm (UTC)

Somebody spork Becoming Female!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5822132/1/Becoming-Female (where to find it)
Becoming Female
Suethor: Venus God
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: Fiction T
Summary: Who will Harry end up with after turning into a girl!(author's words)

Real Summary: After a stupid and OOC argument, Snape makes Harry drink an Acorn Potion, which, if done right, turns whatever it touches, or is poured on, into an acorn, but if done wrong, causes permanent genderbending. Harry did it wrong,and turns into a girl who, in the suethor's words: "A perfectly tanned picture of feminine beauty stared back at me! I was thin enough to be anorexic with D-cups and curves in all the right places! My black hair was long and silky like silk and it went down to my feet! I was wearing lip gloss, blush and mascara from Maybelline! Also, my scar was gone and I didn't need glasses anymore."
Yeah. Well, she pretends not to be Harry, and because that's 'sneaky', the sorting hat sorts her into Slytherin, where she gets it on with Draco, renames herself 'Crystal' and fights for women's rights against that sexist idiot, Ron Weasley. Or, as he renames himself, Ron Raper.
Oh, and Lockhart's competent.
This fic pushes a big pet peeve of mine, which is using a canon character as your protagonist, and then warping him/ her into a huge Mary Sue. It's also stupid, with several huge plotholes in the first chapter alone, and the suethor is an idiot or a troll. Seriously, she mentions in her profile that her friends are 'supportive, but they think I make everyone OOC for some reason.'Did I mention that Lockhart's competent, Ron is sexist, and Dumbledore is portrayed as nice but senile?
[User Picture]
Date:May 5th, 2013 10:46 am (UTC)

Re: Somebody spork Becoming Female!

I skipped to the last page:

"Go AWAY!" I yelled because he was ruining my wedding just be being there.

"I've just bought Hogwarts!" said Ron Raper evilly. "That retarded idiot Ludo Bagman just sold it to me because he's retarded!"

"Two plus two is five," said Bagman retardedly because he was retarded.

"YOU IDIOT!" I yelled. I punched Bagman in the balls and he fell off the ship. The fish people immediately grabbed him and pulled him underwater and ate him in two seconds. I felt bad about doing that to him because he was retarded, but he still should have known better.

"I'll get the headmaster's office again!" said Ron Raper sexistly. "Then I'll turn the Great Hall thing into a strip club and all the common rooms into whore houses. Also I'll replace all the books in the library with books about rape!"

"THAT'S SEXIST!" I explained epically.

"I know!" he laughed in an evil voice. "But the contract lasts until I die!"

"Well, there's one way to fix that!" yelled Draco awesomely. "Avada Kedavra!" he said pointing his wand and looking incredibly handsome and sexy at the same time! Ron Raper screamed cowardly and jumped off the ship. Then he started to cry because the water made the fire on his unhealthy cigarette go out.

"That'll teach you to be so sexist!" I yelled down at him as I picked up my Firebolt which I had again because he left it on the ship when he jumped off of it sexistly.

Suddenly, the giant squid started to attack Ron Raper epically exactly like what happened in "Return to Neverland" to Captain Hook. We all laughed at him getting what he deserved!

"SMEE!" yelled Ron Raper as he tried to get away. Wormtail, dressed like Mr. Smee, started to row a wooden boat over to Ron Raper to save him!

"Avada Kedavra!" I said, using magic to kill off Wormtail so Ron Raper would learn his lesson. Wormtail died and the boat he was in sank.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Ron Raper scaredly as the giant squid pulled him underwater with it to eat him. Once he was gone, we heard a burp and Ron Raper's sexist cigarette floated up to the surface. We all cheered!

"That sexist idiot Ron Raper is gone for good!" said Draco handsomely and with that happy thought he kissed me perfectly!

The End


I think this is a troll not even bothering to disguise this fact by the end :) And I for one do want a sequel. This looks amazing.

Edited at 2013-05-05 10:48 am (UTC)
Date:February 11th, 2013 11:55 pm (UTC)


Suethor: Secondpillow
Fandom: Harry Potter... I think.
Rating: Fiction T
Summary: Harry Potter eventually eats a sandwich and discusses life with a famous author... If you ask the author. It's also supposed to be angst/romance genre and star Bellatrix and Seamus.
News flash: It doesn't. That has no bearing on what the story is. So here's what it really is: Insane. Completely insane. I can't describe the plot because it doesn't exist, but I'll try to give you a feel for the thing. It begins with Harry and Dobby killing astral vampires with groinsaws. Harry can breath in space, summons holy F---fire, sees subatomic particles by squinting, and has got F---slayer, a guitar from a dimension where all screamed for naught, wrought from the silver heart of heaven's false promise, laced with vessels that pulsed with angel's menstrual blood, hewn from the horns of Satan's generals. And yes, that is a direct quote. The F-bomb is also the most common word in the fic. If your brain can stand all the mind screw in this fic, spork it please!
Date:February 11th, 2013 11:59 pm (UTC)


Eh, Thirty Hs is hilarious when it's not being disturbing or disgusting, but the whole thing is just so utterly surreal that there seems no point in sporking it at all. There's really nothing you can *add* to the insanity.
[User Picture]
Date:February 15th, 2013 10:09 pm (UTC)

[Disney Animated Canon] The Disney Seven

FIC: The Disney Seven
SUETHOR: crazedwriter, aka FrolloFreak
FANDOM(S): Several, all of them Disney Animated Canon
RATING: Not rated, I would give it a low M to be on the safe side.
SUMMARY: A fun fantasy romp showcasing an odd assortment of Disney heroes and villains. Who are the heroes in this tale? Quasimodo, Esmeralda, Ariel, Belle, Simba, Aladar, and a "mystery hero" whose identity won't be revealed until very late in the story. Who are the villains? Frollo, Cruella, and Gaston. Now how's that for a weird mix?

Yup, it's Danisha again...though, thankfully, Danisha is nowhere to be seen in this fic.
In this story, all Disney characters are actors performing the movie every time someone watches it...and despite being actors, all the villains really are evil, the good guys really good. Frollo and several villains decide to leave their movies to wreak havoc in what passes for "the real world" in this fic, so seven Disney heroes go after them to put them back. It's very badly written.
Oh and while Danisha isn't there, we do have one Mary-Sue who gets chosen by the Disney Seven to try and get close to Frollo to learn of his plans...this means being a stand-in for both Esmeralda and Danisha, and things get very uncomfortable, very fast. (Oh and apparently being sexually-harassed means you almost become a villain's wife.)
[User Picture]
Date:February 15th, 2013 10:20 pm (UTC)

Re: [Disney Animated Canon] The Disney Seven

Huh, I'm a bit surprised to see Esmerelda on the good guys' side and Frollo with the baddies.
Date:February 16th, 2013 12:01 am (UTC)

[Twilight] Beautiful Bastard

FIC: Beautiful Bastard (http://jezebel.com/5982674/twilight-fanfic-strikes-again-beautiful-bastard-gets-a-book-deal) http://jezebel.com/5982674/twilight-fanfic-strikes-again-beautiful-bastard-gets-a-book-deal
SUETHOR: "Christina Lauren" (pen name of the two joint authors)
FANDOM(S): Twilight
RATING: Explicit
SUMMARY: Edward as a businessman, Bella as his intern.

I'm not sure if this is spork-worthy or not, but it is yet another Twilight fanfic that seems to be going down the Fifty Shades of Grey route, complete with book deal. Even the sneak peek (at above website) makes it look very much like a Fifty Shades of Grey clone. That alone makes it potentially spork-worthy. I guess we'll have to wait until the book appears in print to really know.
[User Picture]
Date:January 27th, 2014 01:10 pm (UTC)

Re: [Twilight] Beautiful Bastard

Apparently, a film version is "in development."
Date:February 25th, 2013 01:34 am (UTC)

Partially Kissed Hero

FIC: Partially Kissed Hero (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4240771/1/)
SUETHOR: Perfect Lionheart
FANDOM(S): Harry Potter
SUMMARY: Summer before third year Harry has a life changing experience, and a close encounter with a dementor ends with him absorbing the horcrux within him. Features Harry with a backbone.
COMPLETE/INCOMPLETE: Incomplete, but hasn't been updated in almost a year.

The writing on this one isn't too bad, but the premise is totally absurd. Features over-the-top "intelligent" Powerful!Harry, Evil!Snape and Evil!Dumbledore like you wouldn't believe, plus a nice seasoning of character bashing, squickiness and unfortunate implications at various points. Oh, and the author appears to be completely in earnest about all of this. Actual quote that tops the first few chapters: "Every so often the entire Harry Potter universe offends me so deeply that I just have to react by folding, spindling and mutilating it." I'm not sure if it's all spork-worthy- parituclarly early on, there are chunks that could be scripted- but when it hits its stride, it's a doozy.
[User Picture]
Date:January 11th, 2014 09:45 am (UTC)

Re: Partially Kissed Hero

I think I remember trying to read it a while back... I couldn't stand how absolutely cliche it was for an HP fanfic. I'd like to spork it, but I'm working on a YGO fanfic at the moment, and while it's not got 103 chapters, it's still long.

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