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June 9th, 2013


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hatterreloaded
11:16 am - ~Project K~ {Leon S. Kennedy} Pt.12 Lucky Charms
~Project K~ {Leon S. Kennedy} Pt.12 Lucky Charms

That is the stupidest fucking chapter title ever. And yes, I do realize I've said that before, it doesn't change the fact that this chapter title is fucking retarded.

“I was starting to wonder when you might notice us.”

That would indicate that Karla-Sue and Pod!Leon have any incentive or motivation to notice anything but each other.

“Who are you?” Leon demanded as a short person dressed in modern era clothing came into view.

Modern era? This guy?


That is decidedly not modern clothing.

On either side of him were what you assumed were his guards.

What, no mention of the big ass set of pincers poking out from under the hoods? Or the glowing, red eyes?

“Oh-my-god.” You say in utter shock which caused you to let go of Leon’s hand.

The short man above you all standing on the balcony laughed again in his high-pitched voice, “Yes fear me.”

This dialogue is so stupid. But wait, it gets worse.

You pointed at him and bent over while laughing uncontrollably, “Ha-ha, y-you look like a leprechaun!!! Ha-ha you better run before we steal you’re lucky charms they’re magically delicious!!!!” you laughed again while wiping tears from you’re eyes as Ashley giggled at the joke while Leon coughed suppressing his growing laughter.


This... un-fucking-believable. I think it's time for a spitefic, don't you? I do! Alright, here we go!

Karla stood, staring at the short, oddly-dressed man in what looked like a powdered-wig. She released Leon's hand from her grasp as she brought it to her mouth mumbling "Oh my god..."

Thinking he had the upper hand in all aspects of this situation, the small, gray-skinned man began to laugh, leering down at them all from the balcony. "Yes, fear me!"

Laughter began to bubble forth from Karla's lips, causing her to double over, an arm hugging her stomach. Her other hand took to pointing at the midget above. He looked at Karla peculiarly as this continued for several odd minutes. She had to fight to speak between uncontrollable laughter though it took some effort.

"Y-you look like a leprechaun! Hahaha! You better run before we steal your lucky charms! They're magically delicious!" Tears began to threaten to spill from her eyes as she carried on.

"ENOUGH!" the little man raged, his sickly-colored face reddening. The two covered creatures on either side of him moved as if in agitation. The pincers that poked out from beneath their hoods clicked loudly.

Leon shifted away from Karla, brows knitted together in worry and confusion. Just why was this man's size so funny to her much less the fact that she seemed to be having a grand old time over referencing the
Lucky Charms commercials baffled him. Ashley drew closer to him as well, tugging at his shirt and staring at Karla worriedly. Had her father sent someone from the loony bin instead of an actual soldier?

"Is Karla okay?" Ashley whispered behind a hand as Karla finally began to compose herself. Leon could only shake his head. It was one thing to be snarky and sarcastic at a time like this but something like that? It left him wondering just how sane Karla really was and just why she had been chosen to accompany him to save Ashley in the first place.

And that's how that scene would have more likely played out in reality. If we keep seeing more and more horrendous reactions like this then expect to see more spitefics appear as we go, rockers. Never mind the fact that my writing's not much to look at.

This made the man very VERY upset. “WHY YOU LITTLE PEST! HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME!” he shouted in a thick Spanish accent similar to Luis’s.

I would assume their accents are similar CONSIDERING THEY'RE BOTH FROM THE SAME FUCKING AREA OF THE WORLD!

He cleared his throat regaining his composure, “Me llamo Ramon Salazar, the eighth Castilian

I think the word you're looking for is "castellan." A quick search on even the Resident Evil wikia would have provided you this information. Also, talk about mood whiplash! Are we sure Salazar isn't severely bipolar in this? Oh, wait, never mind. That was just the Suethor proving that she doesn't know how to transition between topics smoothly.

of this magnificent architecture I have been honored with the prodigious power from the great Lord Saddler. I’ve been expecting you my brethrens.” He says slightly bowing.

“No thanks bro.” Leon says while talking to him as though they were best buds.

“Bro. No one says that anymore.”

Clearly someone is not internet savvy.


You muttered as Leon looked at you through the corner of his eye.

“My, my we got a feisty one.” Salazar commented.

That technically is a feisty comment Karla-Sue left, only I get the feeling she meant it in the way of the first definition of the word, that being "characterized by spirited behavior, sometimes in an aggressive manner." The definition Karla-Sue's comment falls under however would be the second one which is "irritable: likely to respond in an irritable way."

“That sounded so wrong.” You mumbled while shaking your head, as Leon turned to you with a glare before he strangely pinched your rear.


THIS IS A SERIOUS FUCKING SITUATION! STOP MAKING LEON A COMPLETE AND TOTAL PERVERT! HE WOULDN'T DO THAT IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS!

You blushed and whipped your head to see him pretending to glare up at Salazar acting as though he did nothing wrong.

“If you cared for your own well-being I suggest you surrender yourselves and simply become our hostages.” He continued as you snorted.

Because apparently trying to transition subject matter in a smooth and natural way must be too hard we go from Leon and Karla fucking around to Salazar promptly following the game script again. God, this is so sloppy.

“Or Mr. Scott you can just give us both the girl and Miss Leanne because you’re not worth a penny I’m afraid you can die.” He finishes while walking away as Leon looks at Ashley than back at you.

Notice how not only do they want Ashley back but now they want Karla as well? And yet we have no indication of why she's so damn special to their plans. It's sickening really. It must be fun to pretend you're so special everyone wants you - why else would Suethors keep doing things like this? It's also worth nothing that Ashley is merely called "the girl" while Karla is referred to by her middle name. Guardian_song had pointed it out when I had failed to notice but let's look at two names here:

Karla Leanne Smith
Leon Scott Kennedy

What do we notice about them? Well, Leanne is awfully close to being similar to Leon. Could just be a coincidence but I'm not willing to overlook it. It almost seems intentional, especially in the way that she gave Karla a middle name and none of her other fan characters have one. Is it another ridiculous attempt at getting Karla and Leon to be able to *~bond~* over something that should mean nothing? Considering how Suethors usually roll, I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case.


“I’m never turning into one of them, never!” Ashley says as Leon nods.

“You got that right we’ll find a cure.”

“But for now let’s find a way out of here, si?” you said as the two of them looked at you oddly.

“Que?” you asked in Spanish.

“Spain is beginning to rub off of you.” Leon smirked as you rolled your eyes.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had the key. You entered the prison. Now you were contemplating on whether to accompany Leon at his side or just stay here at the steps with Ashley.

I read the fic. I think about what to type next. I look at my sketches. See, I can do that, too. So instead of trying to make everything short and succinct (see. rushed and sloppy) why don't you actually put some effort into what you're doing?

He was inching towards the small cage as he kicked the door down and slowly, gun drawn was going for the switch to shut off the fire. He was so close when suddenly the creature that was chained to the wall suddenly lunged at Leon as he dodged.

You know, it would have been better if the creature chained in the cell had been mentioned first, or at least have some sort of build up to it. Leon inching closer to the cell could have had a great impact on setting the stage for what's to come, maybe set up how nervous he's looking or acting from Karla's position and then have her gaze flicker over to the creature in the cell and mention what it is that makes them all so unnerved about it. That would have been an excellent use of this point of view, however, since the Suethor clearly has on idea what she's doing we got this drek.

“Ashley stay here.” You whispered as you quietly tip-toed towards Leon that’s when you stopped in your tracks and stood still as the monster was walking, listening for any more sounds. Leon must’ve gotten the hint as he too was crouched on the ground still as a stone statue. You were hoping that it couldn’t hear your heartbeat which was drumming insanely in your chest threatening to burst out.

The monster was inches from you with its arms to the side, sharp claws out waiting to attack and rip apart anything that it heard.

You’re shaking hand was settled on the butt of your gun ready to grab it and fire at any moment. You’d forgotten that you weren’t breathing trying to be as quiet as possible, that’s when a bell was heard and the monster breezed past you and over to the sound swaying its arms all over.

I find it sad that this is so far the best descriptive narration we've received so far in TWELVE CHAPTERS.

Also, whatever happened to your so called bad assery? Wasn't it you, Karla, who wanted to have some "fun" and were willing to endanger Ashley further to be able to go fight more Ganado and the Bella Sisters? So what changed? The big bad creature with Wolverine claws too scary for you?


You inhaled a lump sum of air and breathed out again

I'm not sure why, but the way she phrased that bothers me. "Lump sum of air?" Does anyone actually say that when the more common term would have probably been "sucked in a lungful of air?"

but that was when the monster was now charging towards you, hearing your breathing. You rolled to the side as its claws struck the cement and that’s when you caught sight of the parasite on its back and then you shot at it.

When its claws were out of the wall it went towards you again preparing to slash you.

“Karla!” Leon shouted as the claws were above you about to strike down on you.

You had expected to feel the pain but you opened your eyes realizing that you had closed them, and looked up realizing that your force field stopped it. ‘Freaky…’

Gilbert

You know, people, this is what happens when you overload your character with Sue-per powers! It completely ruins any tension you could have. Every time Karla-Sue is in any danger she's saved by force fields SHE DOESN'T EVEN RECALL MAKING. That'd be like making a character with the power to see the future and using it to kill every single one of your plot points and twists EVEN BEFORE THEY HAPPEN (I'm looking at you Twilight)! This is why when you give a character a power you have to find a way to balance it out.

I'm also not unaware of the fact that Karla seems to have all but forgotten she even has the power in the first place!


Suddenly hands were under your arms as you were being dragged back and up on your feet about to question Leon he pulled you to him and the both of you rolled out of the way as the monster once again got his claws stuck into the wall.

With Leon still on top of you he pulled out the Red9 and began to shoot at its back and then finally it slumped to the floor…dead.

“That was close.” Leon commented as he looked down at your beet red face staring up at him. “You okay?”

“You saved me…again.”


“Suppose I did.”

“And you’re on top of me…again.”

“I guess so.” He answers with a sly blush.

How can a blush be sly? When one blushes it's typically out of EMBARRASSMENT.

“Why are you still on top of me?” You asked in a dazed tone.


“Oh. Sorry.” He quickly said as he got up off of you and offered you a hand up as you took it. You then switched the switch

It was a lever!

on and went up the stairs along with Ashley, who was smiling at you in a devious way she probably got the idea that Leon liked you. Wait? Did he? Did you?


Can this get anymore stupid? (Note from the future: It can.)

You looked back at her to see that she was still grinning and that’s when you pulled out your Swiss army knife and waved it in front of her which got her to turn away quickly

W-Wha? That's-what? Huh?! I'm so confused! Did Karla seriously just silently threaten Ashley - THE PERSON SHE IS SUPPOSED TO BE PROTECTING - just for grinning at her? WHAT THE FAT FLYING FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! HOW DO YOU EVEN THINK THAT THAT'S ACCEPTABLE?! ALL ASHLEY WOULD HAVE TO DO WOULD BE TO TELL HER FATHER WHAT KARLA WOULD HAVE DONE AND BAM! NO MORE MILITARY LIFE THAT SHE SO OBVIOUSLY LIKES TO USE TO DO AND GET WHAT SHE WANTS!

while now walking along side Leon, who in return looked back at you to see that you were cleaning your nails with the knife.

He chuckled and suddenly the three of you were cut off by the Illuminados with crossbows blocking your entrance.


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(11 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:szaleniec1000
Date:June 9th, 2013 03:31 pm (UTC)
(Link)
“My, my we got a feisty one.” Salazar commented.

Now I'm just picturing him as Will from The Inbetweeners.
[User Picture]
From:das_mervin
Date:June 9th, 2013 04:24 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Your "absolute bullshit fails" macro is too large for the comm's standards. Please resize it to 650 pixels wide or smaller.

Mervin
[User Picture]
From:hatterreloaded
Date:June 9th, 2013 06:38 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Corrected!
From:ultimos11
Date:June 9th, 2013 04:32 pm (UTC)
(Link)
It's my head canon that Karla is size-ist. She's a horrible person.

Brilliant spitefic, if only Leon and Ashley had reacted that way.

Still hoping that Karla turns into a J'avo...

[User Picture]
From:sissyblade
Date:June 10th, 2013 12:02 am (UTC)
(Link)
Oh, dear heavens. Karla-sue is a horrid waste of skin.

I mean, really. First she has this "sweet" side that wants to hump Leon like he's a piece of beef jerky, then we have this bitchy side of her that just makes me want to punch her in the face. And eventually, I'll just get tired of punching and throw a chainsaw at her... or toss her into an acid pit "Mortal Kombat" style.

And... yep, still raging about those stupid anticlimactic "fight scenes". FORCE FIELDS, WHEE! WHO NEEDS EFFORT?!

ETA: Oh, forgot about that "humor" that she has there. Made me facepalm in response.

Edited at 2013-06-10 12:35 am (UTC)
[User Picture]
From:Kelsey Estes
Date:June 10th, 2013 01:04 am (UTC)
(Link)
And....the Suethor continues to destroy all tension with just a few sentences.

Seriously, does she think Karla's reactions in these situations are necessary? It just makes her look immature and completely unprofessional. It's like she can't process the fact that they are in a life-threatening situation and with one wrong move could easily die or get Ashley killed.

It just...ugh, it sucks. It sucks and Karla needs to die in a fucking fire.
[User Picture]
From:beacon80
Date:June 10th, 2013 06:32 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I was tempted to increase the DO YOUR F***ING JOB counter for that response to Salazar, on account of how incredibly unprofessional it is, but since it's not specifically putting herself over Ashley, I'm going to leave it.
I will point out that a short man can shoot you just as easily as a tall man, even if he doesn't have an eldritch abomination in him. This is a bizarre time to get hung up on height.

Now you were contemplating on whether to accompany Leon at his side or just stay here at the steps with Ashley.
With two people there, there's no reason for her to go down with Leon. For starters, staying up on the stairs gives her a better view of what's going on. She can warn Leon if something comes up behind him, instead of both getting ambushed. More importantly, if something comes up one of the other corridors, she can protect Ashley.
DO YOUR F***ING JOB: 11

Leon must’ve gotten the hint as he too was crouched on the ground still as a stone statue.
Of course, Karla is the one to figure this out. It also feels really forced, since she never told us the creature was blind in the first place.

You looked back at her to see that she was still grinning and that’s when you pulled out your Swiss army knife and waved it in front of her which got her to turn away quickly
I'm pretty sure Gabby is confusing a Swiss army knife for a combat knife, because she keeps acting like her Swiss army knife is somehow intimidating.
Also:
DO YOUR F***ING JOB: 13
I'm giving this two counts. One because she's threatening the person she's supposed to protect (for smiling at her, no less!). Two because this would make Ashley less likely to trust Karla in an already dangerous situation.

Our new totals:
DO YOUR F***ING JOB: 13
ACTION, WHAT ACTION?: 8
SECOND-PERSON OMNIPOTENT: 17
[User Picture]
From:raxistaicho
Date:June 13th, 2013 05:49 am (UTC)
(Link)
... She fucking threatened Ashley?

W-whut!?

I didn't imagine that shit?

This is ridiculous. I can't fucking stand this bitch.
[User Picture]
From:hatterreloaded
Date:June 13th, 2013 03:37 pm (UTC)
(Link)
This is ridiculous. I can't fucking stand this bitch.

You're not the only one. It's disgusting isn't it? How Gabby thought that was a good idea I have no idea!
[User Picture]
From:raxistaicho
Date:June 13th, 2013 03:52 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I feel like writing a spite fic involving Salazar getting pissed off and sicking one of the Verdugo (anyone know if Verdugo is a species name or a personal name? @.@) on the Sue right there...
[User Picture]
From:hatterreloaded
Date:June 13th, 2013 06:01 pm (UTC)
(Link)
That would be amazing!

(anyone know if Verdugo is a species name or a personal name? @.@)

I'm not entirely sure, actually. The wikia page lists them both as Verdugo so I can only assume that it's the species name.

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