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July 10th, 2009

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11:59 am - [GROUP SPORKING] Hogwarts Exposed - Table of Contents
Hogwarts Exposed

By Neil


So. “Hogwarts Exposed”. You’ve probably seen it mentioned in the sporkings featured here, and all sporkers refer to it with either intense hatred, mind-numbing fear, garment-rending rage, absolute horror, or a combination of all four. Well, when you see these sporkings, you will see exactly why we tend to react that way. “Hogwarts Exposed” is the first fic in a series of four that author Neil has produced. And they are nothing but the result of the twisted and perverse workings of the mind of one of the foulest, most disgusting, deviated, and misogynistic pedophiles that has ever graced the internet. “Celebrian”? Tame. “Subjugation”? Yawn. “Little Miss Mary”? Doesn’t even compare. This is, without a doubt, the most disgusting fanfiction ever written. The reason? Because the author himself is the most pretentious little shit ever. He has an easy way to excuse any of his revolting fantasies—you point out what they are, he handwaves it by saying you’re just prejudiced. And you will see why.

Warnings: Yes, this fic has warnings. Excessive nudity, language, torture, pedophilia, voyeurism, watersports, scat, sex, rape, and rage-inducing topics. This fic should not be read by children or other living things. EVER.

This is also a group sporking! First featured on the STFU, it is now gathered here in one place (with permission). I have indicated each sporker, and most of them are over on JournalFen, rather than here.

SPORKING CANON: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 – Memories of the Way We Were, by maeve_issyra
Chapter 2 – Orientation, by chocolatepot
Chapter 3 – A New Year, A New Beginning, by notmonkey
Chapter 4 – Getting to Know Her, by skewed_tartan
Chapter 5 – Getting to Know All About Her, by vergilsparda and lerefuge
Chapter 6 – Choices, by das_mervin and Mrs. Hyde
Chapter 7 – Caring, by tehrin
Chapter 8 – A New Life, by tehrin
Chapter 9 – Not All Slytherins Are Evil, Or Are They?, sporked by wanksismyfandom
Chapter 10 – Plans, sporked by gabrielmobius
Chapter 11 – Trick or Treat, sporked by flowerstar
Chapter 12 – Revelations, sporked by chocolatepot
Chapter 13 – Confessions, sporked by fiordispina
Chapter 14 – Changes, sporked by danel4d
Chapter 15 – Christmas, sporked by saralina25
Chapter 16 – The Yule Ball, sporked by skewed_tartan
Chapter 17 – Clueless, sporked by jumble
Chapter 18 – Resolutions, sporked by nyoda
Chapter 19 – Escape, sporked by danel4d
Chapter 20 – Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust, sporked by milaya
Chapter 21 – Sisters?, sporked by notmonkey
Chapter 22 – She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not, sporked by chocolatepot
Chapter 23 – Much Ado About Nothing, sporked by das_mervin and Mrs. Hyde
Chapter 24 – Till Death Do Us Part (Part I), sporked by danel4d
Chapter 24 – Till Death Do Us Part (Part II), sporked by danel4d
Chapter 24 – Till Death Do Us Part (Part III), sporked by wankismyfandom

(11 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:July 13th, 2009 10:00 pm (UTC)
Speaking of HE...

M'lady Mervin, I don't mean to be a nuisance, but... Um, I know this is only going to be updated on Fridays, but what about the Hogwarts Too Exposed sporkings on the HMS_STFU? I tried to have my chapters formatted (with the exception of the occasional outburst of rainbow font, dearly apologize for that) to match up to the usual HMS_STFU spork formatting... *chews on lip* I cannot get an account on Journalfen on account of being underage, so the sporkings, if made available to the HMS_STFU, either have to be crossposted or linked. I've considered just posting an anon comment on the HMS_STFU with the links, but don't think that would be the best idea... *scratches head and grins nervously* Again, really sorry to be a bother, but... I figure that once HTE is finished, either the spork of HOE can begin, or the crew can abandon it as too foul even for them. *fingers itch* Errrrrr... and if they need a bit of sporking in the beginning to get the HOE sporking going... NO, NO, EVEN _I'M_ NOT THAT MASOCHISTIC. Weeeell... uh... maybe I am... 8( Right? :D;;
Anyway, I'm REALLY sorry to be a bother. *runs off before seeming too pesky* Sorry! ._.
[User Picture]
Date:July 14th, 2009 10:56 pm (UTC)
Don't worry--they will be linked. I'm not gonna do them directly to the STFU because of the underage thing. We don't want to get in trouble. As for HOE....I really don't know if that one's ever gonna get done. We burned ourselves out, obviously, on HTE. But I think we accomplished a lot. But, on that subject, HOE is just...that's where the scat and watersports increase tenfold, and then when that's done, we get HUE, which has THAT FUCKING SCENE....no, no, and more no. I think HTE really is the limit. But you will be posted here and I will tell the crew when it is started up. Don't worry. :)

Again, thanks for taking up that sword. We just couldn't take it anymore.
[User Picture]
Date:January 12th, 2011 09:39 am (UTC)
Quite personally, I don't blame you for passing up the opportunity to spork Hogwarts Overexposed.

I actually found the first chapter, the only relatively tame one, on Fanfiction.net and the description notes how "ff.net takes it down for no good reason."

I immediately went into the comments section and called the guy out for his utter idiocy in that statement.
Date:May 21st, 2011 03:12 am (UTC)
I think it'd be best to take what I have to say in bullet form:

- I absolutely loved your sporkings. You and Hyde are hilarious and can make even this tripe entertaining.

- HE is the worst thing I've ever seen Shitting dick nipples (DON'T LOOK IT UP) got nothing on this.

- I myself have taken to sporking HE. Now, I'm an amatuer in every sense of the word, so I'd really a appreciate it if you gave me some tips. No obligation to do it, but it really would help me.
Date:October 2nd, 2011 08:47 pm (UTC)
I JUST discovered this fic today. No point in summarizing my thoughts. This summarizes, I think, the entire SERIES.

Anyway, you guys are incredibly valiant for sporking this. I don't think I'd have made it through without your snarks. :D

[User Picture]
Date:August 25th, 2012 01:04 pm (UTC)

A rant about the fic in general

I'm just going to leave this here, since it's too lengthy to fit in with my usual commentary.

I realise that my point of view isn't exactly mainstream, but I do actually agree with the concept of humanity becoming more comfortable with human nudity. It is true that there's nothing inherently "dirty" or sexual about nudity-- it's human perception that makes it that way. HOWEVER, my agreement with Neil ends there. He's not writing this fic to promote nudity as natural-- he's writing it as wank material for himself and boys like him, who get off on the idea of naked young women. While it would be lovely for people to start accepting each other's bodies as natural and not scandalous or titillating, the fact remains that we DO still require clothes for warmth, especially in a drafty castle in Northern Scotland. Now, being an American in a cozy air-conditioned house in California, I can comfortably remain nude as long as those present are also comfortable with it. And there's another thing, actually: Jamie's and Caitlin's attitudes come across as distinctly rebellious, because for all their sugared words and contrived contrition, they don't really CARE if they're making anyone uncomfortable-- they're going to be naked whether the others like it or not. Speaking strictly for myself, I am most comfortable without clothes, but if other people around me are uncomfortable with nudity, then I become uncomfortable as well. It's like how going to the beach in a bikini and going to church in a bikini are two completely different matters-- the atmosphere should dictate your personal comfort level to a degree. It's why humans have social rules in the first place: You don't talk to your boss the same way you'd talk to your drinking buddies, for example, and it's the same concept with dress codes. I know that was rather lengthy, but I hope it makes sense.

Ah, right, I remember where I was going with that rant. I personally believe that there is nothing shocking or shameful about the human body, but as I've said before, that view is not mainstream. As long as people still find shock value in the naked human body, the norm will be to wear clothing in front of people, and nudists who go out in public or entertain at home need to accept that. As the sporkers of this story have pointed out, being a nudist isn't like being gay or being an unfavoured race. Gay people making out aren't "indecent exposure" and neither are people of various skin colours and ethnicities. Public nudity, however, is legally considered indecent because the majority of the human race considers naked bodies an affront to their privacy. So, as a nudist and as a person who cares about the equality of human rights, I find Neil's implicit comparison of anti-nudism to bigotry offensive. (I'm sure just about everyone else who reads the fic also finds it offensive.)

Once again, not wanting to see other people naked isn't bigotry. I also noticed that in the beginning of Hogwarts Too Exposed, Neil is EXTREMELY judgmental about women's bodies-- the beauty contest scene, anyone? Yes, he has his (attractive) nudist protagonist state that nudism is about being one with nature and not about beauty or sexuality, but he also doesn't have any unattractive nudists, nor does he seem to have any male nudists (at least, not so far; I've only gotten about a quarter of the way through Hogwarts Too Exposed). The only people who are naked are the ones whom Neil himself want to see naked, making his in-dialogue preaching about the beauty of the human body both meaningless and hypocritical.

The horrible grammar and extreme OOC-ness of the canon characters-- not to mention the complete disregard for the canon itself-- are two things that usually make me rage to the point of not wanting to read a fic, but Neil's general assweaselry manages to make those things secondary and tertiary.

My hat is off to those of you who sporked this. You are brave, brave souls, and you are also the reason I am reading HE 1 for the third time and plan to finish the series. Thank you very much for posting.
[User Picture]
Date:March 31st, 2013 03:02 am (UTC)
I don't think I have what it takes to make it through this fic, even if it's a sporking. :(

EDIT: Changed my mind. May God have mercy on my soul.

Edited at 2013-11-10 05:25 am (UTC)
[User Picture]
Date:January 5th, 2014 07:52 pm (UTC)
I am legally an adult, and I'm still the kind of guy who doesn't want his genitals to be touched, even when it's necessary for a medical exam. But THIS butthole? Not even I am as deplorable as he is! And seeing as I'm a rightfully-friendless jerk who is living slander against those with Asperger's Syndrome and other forms of autism, that's REALLY saying something.
[User Picture]
Date:March 12th, 2014 05:55 am (UTC)
I'M GOING IN. If I don't come back alive or sane, tell my family I love them.
[User Picture]
Date:May 27th, 2015 10:20 pm (UTC)

I'm scared

I started off reading the relatively tame Airhead sporking. Then I moved on to the Twilight recap. I've finished that one now and I've decided to start this one. As much as I love the sporkings here, I'm terrified of this story. Wish me luck.
[User Picture]
From:Patrick Kelmer
Date:May 14th, 2016 05:39 pm (UTC)

Re: I'm scared

The series here are my favourite sporkings ever^^

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