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December 1st, 2009

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01:51 am - Twilight - Table of Contents

By Stephenie Meyer

Alternate Title: Codependent Twits and the Sparkly Stalkers They Obsess Over

From the wet dreams creative genius mind wet dreams of Stephenie Meyer comes the first book in her magnum opus—TWILIGHT. These are a few of the things you’ll be seeing in this wonderful little fantasyland romp: obsession, stalking, abuse, bad grammar, bad spelling, Mary Sues, Gary Stus, thesaurus abuse, and sparkling. Things you won’t be seeing are a plot, action, and vampires. Fun for the whole family! In this first installment of the Twilight series, our so-called protagonist, Bella Swan, moves to Forks and sets her sights on the supposedly hot and not-so-mysterious EDWARD CULLEN. Whose secret is obvious by chapter two and revealed by chapter six (in the text, anyway—you could blame the people who wrote the summary for the book jacket; they blurt it out before you even read it). Stay a while as I, das_mervin, begin the long and arduous journey through Stephenie Meyer’s deepest, darkest fantasy.

Table of Contents

Dedications and Opening Quote
Chapter 1 – First Sight
Chapter 2 – Open Book
Chapter 3 – Phenomenon
Chapter 4 – Invitations
Chapter 5 – Blood Type (Part I)
Chapter 5 – Blood Type (Part II)
Chapter 6 – Scary Stories
Chapter 7 – Nightmare
Chapter 8 – Port Angeles (Part I)
Chapter 8 – Port Angeles (Part II)
Chapter 9 – Theory
Chapter 10 – Interrogations
Chapter 11 – Complications
Twilight Aside: Badminton, sporked by gehayi
Chapter 12 – Balancing
Chapter 13 – Confessions (Part I)
Chapter 13 – Confessions (Part II)
Chapter 14 – Mind Over Matter
Chapter 15 – The Cullens
Chapter 16 – Carlisle
Chapter 17 – The Game
Chapter 18 – The Hunt
Chapter 19 – Goodbyes
Chapter 20 – Impatience
Twilight Aside: Shopping with Alice (Part I)
Twilight Aside: Shopping with Alice (Part II)
Chapter 21 – Phone Call
Chapter 22 – Hide-and-Seek
Chapter 23 – The Angel
Chapter 24 – An Impasse (Part I)
Chapter 24 – An Impasse (Part II)
Twilight Aside: Vegas, sporked by gehayi
Twilight Aside: Emmett and the Bear, sporked by gehayi
Epilogue: An Occasion
Twilight Aside: Extended Prom Remix (Part I), sporked by gehayi
Twilight Aside: Extended Prom Remix (Part II), sporked by gehayi
Frequently Asked Questions
The Story Behind Twilight
Final Thoughts
Das Mervin’s Spitefics
Gehayi’s Spitefics
15 Reasons to See Twilight (And One Reason Not To)

(5 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:August 6th, 2013 08:20 am (UTC)
I noticed that you changed the icon/avatar/picture for the series. I kind of miss the old pixel-Bella-doll icons...
Date:September 15th, 2013 08:05 pm (UTC)

My Vision of Twilight

Just to get it out there, my belief about Twilight was that it could have been good, had the characters been handled better. Edward could have been an actually tortured character, scared of himself and stuck in the past, but trying to redeem himself the best he can (which is how I like to write him), instead of a huge Marty Stu. Bella could have been a naive girl getting far out of her depth, but who plunges on because she has no choice, and who tries her best. Stephenie didn't do this.
I believe that it is a bad story, but a great base for fanfiction, by way of taking a sledgehammer to the characters' happy little Mary Sue world, and force them to grow. By way of example, one of my fanfic ideas for redeeming Renesmee involves Claire (Nessie's best friend at the time) committing suicide right in front of her. It haunts her to the end of the story and she never quite gets over it.
You also have to take Midnight Sun as non-canon, on basis that a) it's a rough draft and thus non-canon (and by definition, very bad), and b) A psychopathic romantic hero is not good fic-material (if you're going for quality, not smut).
Yes, I am working on a twilight fic (crossover with Green Lantern), but let it be known that I'm trying to make it better than canon, and would appreciate it if somebody from here reviewed it with sharpened sporks, and warned me before it got too bad.
There, now it's out. That's what I think about Twilight. I'm not saying it's right, or that anyone else should think so, but this is my opinion.
From:Charsi Kashya
Date:June 25th, 2014 07:18 pm (UTC)
Once I read an interesting article about this story being built like rpg games are: the protagonist's characterization is deliberately vague, she is conveniently orphan since her family doesn't play a big enough role to hold her back from adventuring, she is not too cautious to dig into the danger like an average person would be etc. Unfortunately I can't find it.
[User Picture]
Date:January 17th, 2015 11:40 am (UTC)
Hi! I recently discovered this, and I LOVE it! Heck, this is one of the main reasons I joined LiveJournal. You are awesome!
Date:January 13th, 2016 10:14 pm (UTC)

Fair's fair

Seeing as you're tormenting yourself by sporking LaD, I shall re-read every. Single. Word. You've written about the Twilight series.

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